Have you ever wondered what makes a great couple, why is it that some couples are a natural fit and others strange bed fellows? I used to think it was fate, that there was ‘The One’ who would simply fall from heaven into your lap. Now I’m not too sure.
There are many things that make up a solid romantic relationship and if you think about it, I bet you or someone you know has spent more time shopping for a car than a mate! Think about it, just because a guy asks you out or takes an interest in you doesn’t mean he is ‘The One’ and yet so many women fall into this trap because this guy is the only guy around taking an interest. Then she breaks her back to keep him and make it work.
I was introduced to a concept by Rori Ray who is a dating expert, called Circular Dating, which was completely foreign to me. Circular dating is about dating several men at once so, that you do not become too attached to any of them. You stay busy and practice on how to tell which one makes you feel the best when you’re with him.
Too many women fall into the dating disaster trap, and that trap is that they don’t date! They just sleep with the first guy that shows them interest and then find out he’s disaster! Love can be blind and lust even more so. If you keep these dating and compatibility tips close at hand you’ll save yourself a ton of grief in the dating department and you may just have so much fun taste testing fabulous men. Don’t be surprised if that Mr. Right sneaks up on you!
I have to admit I have had my fair share of dating disasters, from pig hunters to older men (old enough to be my father’s age) or men who simply weren’t ready, divorced and bitter, getting divorced, the overly feminine dude, the Jesus guy, you name it! I’ve had my share of experiences, and sought relationship and dating advice when I noticed this pattern.
I would somehow be attracting the absolute wrong men, the very manly men who could make you a fire and catch fish straight out of the ocean but whom you couldn’t, wouldn’t dare take out on a night on the town. Now there’s nothing wrong with enjoying people for who they are. My problem was I was making each of them into ‘The One’.
I know it’s crazy but I can tell you after much investigation I conceded I wasn’t all that crazy because other women were doing the exact same thing! Looking at each man you date through the filter of he’s the one is a disaster in the making! Why? Because I became so consumed with jumping light years ahead of what was actually going on.
Take your time to get to know the person you are dating, with the intention of simply having fun with each other before you get any crazy ideas in mind about having his babies! There are many things to consider before you go baby or wedding maniac on a guy. There are compatibility issues, values and all sorts of deal breakers. Having your list and knowing what will and won’t work for you is definitely important when avoiding relationship blunders and attracting that special person.
In a great book, SoulMate Map: Choose the Real Mr. Right! written by Denise Culley, you’ll find a spectacular idea that can sharpen your dating skills! Denise hit the nail on the head for me when she explains that dating is simply a matter of most compatibility.
Finally, some common sense for a world gone mad looking for that Mr. Right. It sure made a heck of a lot of sense. Finding Mr. Right can be like finding that perfect pair of pumps that fit for every occasion. I had a pair of heels that I loved but they squeaked with this funny noise. Some shoes are just a pain at the end of the night and you can’t wait to take them off!! What if attracting the right partner was like finding the perfect pair of heels, the ones that make you feel sexy, confident, and the ones you could wear out all night long and still wear the next morning with a cute dress to breakfast? What if the other pairs, aren’t a good match? Nothing wrong with them they are just not the right fit.
Men want to win with women. I’ll tell you something, a man wants to know he can please a woman so do yourself and your potential partner a favor - set him up to win with you! If you choose a man who is never going to make you happy simply because he is incompatible with you - you both lose. You end up frustrated because an apple is an apple, is an apple, it will never be an orange, just like you can’t take a pig hunter out to a ballroom black tie charity event. You need to choose men and not be chosen.
If you don’t get clear on what it is you want, you’ll be leaving your relationships up to destiny or what I like to refer to as default. Ladies you want to be intentional here!
I challenge you to make a list of, your first deal breakers, what are those things you KNOW you cannot and will not tolerate. Like smoking, for example. That’s a definite deal breaker for me. I can’t stand kissing an ashtray. What about you? Perhaps one of your deal breakers is foul language or something like bad teeth? I know a friend of mine won’t date men with bad shoes. Okay that may be inconsequential in your list; still for her, it was important so long as you get the point.
Don’t be one of those women who settle for anything that comes her way. Be a high value woman, a woman that chooses who she is with because she doesn’t have time to waste on dingbat losers who fart around on the couch, eating chips and playing video games… unless you’re into potato crunching ninja game lords but I doubt it.
A good man will pursue a woman who knows what she wants from a man and from a life, which is a busy life that doesn’t make a man the focal point of her life. Know what you want.
What are the deal breakers? What is unacceptable for you in the health, fitness, wealth, education, smarts, height, values, spiritual, mindset, family, friends, habits, appearances, baggage, and work departments? Write these things down.
How do you want to be treated? A woman that loves and respects herself does not put a man first. Instead, she puts her own feelings and happiness first. Moreover, a man who is worth your time should also put your happiness as a priority. Find out what he is like early on by not sleeping with him too soon. There is a 30-day, 60-day and even a 90-day rule for a reason. You can find out a lot about a man in 3 months of dating. Have your friends and family meet him too, to give you their take on him.
Be selective here, don’t be a desperate wet rag who says yes to the only guy that shows interest. Decide to date several men and choose who you want to be with by how well you’re treated. Think of men like shoes. Keep the ones that you can prance around in all day. If he’s got too much emotional baggage, leave him. If he needs you to front him, some cash while he pays off some debt, leave! Hates his mom, run! Hey, we all have some baggage but why put up with crumbs when you are a Goddess diva rock star who is high on the respects herself ladder?
Why would a woman of your stature go out with some loser when there are tons of hot attractive real men out there who are looking for a classy lady to love? Make sure the men you date take action on showing you why your happiness is a priority for them, remember actions speak louder than words. Respect yourself and have fun but respect yourself foremost, you’ll be happy you did and you’ll end up with your king! Respecting yourself is Taking Your Power Back.