How do you handle responsibility, some people thrive on it, other people shirk from it and never accept it or the gifts of influence, integrity and self esteem that it brings.
I can remember back in the day when I was a bar tender/massage therapist driving this crappy 15-year old gold colored Dodge Colt! It ran, it was great on gas, but it was an old car. I recall catching my thoughts while driving that old car. I was trying to convince myself that I wouldn’t be, couldn’t be rich and spiritual at the same time.
I thought to myself, “Vanessa is that ever a boat load of horse manure! Hold up, right there one minute! What is really going on here?” I realized, “No. With money I could have greater impact on helping others;; I could have more reach, more choice, and more fun, more of everything really.” Why was I avoiding it and instead choosing to look and be broke by driving this crusty old car?
It dawned on me that the real reason I was thinking this way was that I was afraid of the commitment and afraid of having a car payment that might potentially hold me back from traveling on a moment’s notice. I was avoiding the responsibility and it cost me in my self esteem and self worth department driving that crappy car every day. I was making good money bar tending and realized it wasn’t a money thing - it was a responsibility thing.
Another example is here on the island there is a community of broke hippies. There are a bunch of great people, very nice, down to earth people and then there are the broke hippies parading around trying to be all- spiritual when they are really just broken people who are avoiding responsibility. Yup, call me judgmental, sue me for it – it is just my opinion.
On island, there is this community of broke, lovely people doing their own healing process, working on consciousness awakening to their personal power and many of them don’t have jobs or businesses of their own. Since they want to stay on island, in paradise they chose to settle for menial work. Nothing wrong with house cleaning and cooking or assisting others but they are slaving away earning minimum or even below minimum wage working 80 hours a week!! For what? For who?
I have lengthy conversations with friends here about this topic and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because they are denying their responsibility for their career, job, work and income. I tell you - anytime you deny responsibility, it costs you big time. Then these people are left feeling so crappy, stuck and afraid that this is the best it will ever get and they are totally giving their power away!
I have so much compassion for people who have given their power away, I really do. It’s a rough place to be. You may be mad as a hornet because you know you let other people walk all over you yet, you feel powerless and either grief stricken or too shameful to do anything about it to really effect change. You let resistance get the better of you time and time again. It’s a really tough place to be in which is why I wrote this book to equip you with the tools for transformation and empowerment. This is what helped me on my journey.
I gave my power away for years and I hated myself for it - I was so enraged and angry that I felt so unworthy. “Where the heck does this unworthiness nonsense come from?” I used to ask myself. Man, I was really upset with myself. If you’re feeling taken advantage of - ask yourself that question - let it marinate with you for a while - you’ll get an answer.
Embrace responsibility, take charge of it, and say yes to it even if it scares the crap out of you! Personal responsibility is a major gateway to personal fulfillment and confidence. Amazing things happen when you choose to be responsible for yourself, your results, your life, your health and your finances. It is all a choice.
There are narcissists out there however;; I don’t think they would be reading this kind of book. No, no, no, too much work. Narcissists only care about themselves and don’t even acknowledge that others have feelings. They are usually hyper irresponsible people who are highly invested in blaming the world for their misfortune. Really, observe and listen to how miserable these people are.
Here’s the deal folks, we are all here to wake up and realize our power, greatness and manifest the glory of God and there isn’t anyone getting out of here alive!
So you decide. Are you going to wine and complain that life sucks with an, I can’t do anything attitude? Let’s rephrase it for what it really means. You either say I WON’T do something to change my circumstances or I CHOOSE to take 100 % responsibility for my life and everything in it or missing from it.
Option number two is definitely more empowering! Both are just choices - simple decisions that you are making every moment of every day. Remember we give our power away the minute we decide that our problems are bigger than we are.
Case in Point: One of my clients Sharon was a naturopath; she like many women is waking up to her power with a big vision and a big calling. Sharon came to see me and asked me if I could help her with this women’s empowerment movement she was envisioning. It would be a one-day live event for women in the Montreal area with speakers on all topics of life, love, relationships, health and career to up their level and capacity for self love. Sharon had no idea how to bring this vision to life, she only had a deep yearning to do it and that eventually won out over the fear of not knowing how and she hired me to help her launch the Juicy Woman’s Journey.
Well Sharon’s event was a big success, 140 women gathered for the day with six speakers. It was an epic event! Sharon worked hard, she filled the room and she implemented all of the work we did together on how to make offers at the end of talk. She got the promotional site going and she was on it! Moreover, she rocked it! When Sharon came to see me, she said her goal was to, “Travel like you do Vanessa, to Costa Rica and be able to spend the winters leading retreats and workshops worldwide.”
Well this year, guess who I saw via Facebook in Costa Rica? Yep, Sharon! In addition, not only is her naturopath practice flourishing she was asked to bring her special Juicy Women’s Journey Event all across the country! An entirely new business was birthed! All this, from taking responsibility, showing up and committing to a vision!
Case in Point: I had another client Mariola who was passionate about helping women succeed with her Mary K Business. She loved everything about it, helping women feel more beautiful, helping women succeed financially, being a leader and teaching women how they can run a business from home around a family if they chose.
We worked together on Mariola’s sales and making it a priority to remove her resistance to making sales calls. Within weeks, Mariola was singing a new tune. She was no longer at the mercy of her resistance, her priorities were in check and she was showing up to do the work. Her sales increased as proof that taking responsibility for her actions in her business success was the way to see results.
I guess I was trying hard to run away from responsibility because growing up I was kind of like a mom to my sister helping raise her and I grew up too fast. I was angry about forfeiting my childhood for a while. I think older children experience this to a degree and in an alcoholic household, it becomes a coping mechanism.
Well what do you know, being responsible would have it benefits in the long run because I can handle just about anything and I know if I put my head down, focus and commit, anything is possible. The gateway to greatness is responsibility. Now, I know this! You can tell a successful person from a lame excuse maker. No personal responsibility screams victim and it isn’t any fun being a victim.
Life is not happening to you it is happening for you! The good news about that is, if you don’t like your reality, guess what you created it and you can uncreate it or create it anew! Such is your amazing power of choice! If you would only explore the idea, try it on for size, you would prove to yourself just how amazing is the power of responsibility. When you are responsible for your results, when you commit to them, you see you are capable of creating change and you create and build confidence, integrity and get it done!
People end up wanting to be around you because that is power in a nutshell. It is someone who doesn’t let the rough seas lead them astray and instead decides to stay the course and let troubles fan their sails.
Where is one area of your life that needs a major up leveling in personal responsibility? Is it your health, your relationships, your career or is it your living situation or maybe something bigger like your happiness? Pick one area and decide to be responsible in creating change. Commit to taking action on cleaning it up. Then do it! Be responsible with your work and even to yourself - when no one is watching!!!
Love yourself so much that you wouldn’t even lie to yourself! Hey, that’s a tough one. My challenge to you! Set a high standard for yourself because no one else will. Be wary of wanting to dump on people or ream them or tell them how bad, horrible, irresponsible they are. Let them be broke hippies or whatever they want to be - accept them and lead by example. When you let the Universe dish out Karma it’s always more potent. By lifting, your standards and taking responsibility of your actions you take your Power Back every time.