Law 4:
Talk, Act, and Look Like a Man
Men who do not observe Law 4 have either simply failed to find out what works best with women or else know and fail to implement it consistently.
When it comes down to it, all approaching and all wider relations with women are about retaining your integrity as a man. That’s it. It may sound simple, but this integrity should be manifest in every element of your presentation: how you dress, your stance, the tone of your voice, what you say, and your text messages —everything. Understand that women are programmed to select the most high- value males they can to reproduce with, and so they will constantly test you to ensure you fit the bill. For the most part, presenting your masculine self unapologetically and emphatically will make the difference between a successful approach and a blowout. Too many guys approach girls—if they do it at all—in a weak and wishy-washy manner. Cut that out right now. To be successful, you really need to go in there and own each interaction like a man.
There used to be something called the three second rule that was very popular in the seduction community. Basically, the idea was that you would allow yourself no more than three seconds to go and talk to any girl that you liked, as waiting any longer would give you more time to become nervous and bail out. The danger with this, of course, is that guys risk looking socially awkward by storming up to women indiscriminately. Women like to feel special, and that they have been selected for a reason. The danger with immediate approaches is that they give the lie to this impression. That said, walking right up to a girl off the bat does communicate masculine confidence and that you are a guy who goes for what he wants, and these qualities are absolutely key to attracting women. So don’t tether yourself to a hard-and-fast timing rule, but at the same time approach and do the business as quickly as you can.
You should keep a target in mind for how many women a day you will approach. It needn’t be a high number, say ten in a night out at a club or one a day on your way to work. It doesn’t matter as long as you have it in mind and stick to it. Ideally, though, you should be racking up the numbers and getting as much experience of talking to women under your belt as possible as well as many new contacts in your cellphone.
As stated earlier, though, this isn’t just a numbers game. It is also vital that you ensure the quality of your approaches is high so that you maximise your chances with each girl and every girl.
So how do you accomplish this?
What approaching and indeed all aspects of male-female relations comes down to is leveraging the polarity between the masculine and the feminine. This is absolutely fundamental. The masculine and the feminine are different—polar opposites. Fail to acknowledge that polarity at your peril.
It’s funny that the most common worry guys have when thinking about interacting with women is wondering what they should say. If you have your fundamentals down and you can create sexual tension by leveraging full masculine polarity, then the specific words you utter become secondary, unimportant even.
So how do you communicate that polarity? Above all, you must be 100 percent unapologetic. Your attitude should be straightforward, determined, slightly aloof, and gently persistent. It is strange how as boys mature into men they come to view attractive women with a kind of fear, when as kids on the playground they would chase them around and pull their hair. In part, this is because of the perceived power that attractive women have as sexual selectors and the constant goddess-like status their bodies are awarded in the media through advertising and cultural conditioning. What you need to do is disregard all of this background noise and walk up with entitlement. A light air of amused arrogance should be your default. Your approach should communicate the following:
I am the man, I’m special, and I’m screening you to see if you deserve my attention or not.
Now this, of course, is easier said than done, especially if you are not particularly self-confident and haven’t been through years of social conditioning. Don’t worry. It’s hard for many of us at first, particularly in a climate that encourages self-effacement and permission seeking. The trick is simply to pretend. Fake it ’til you make it.
What does this mean in practice? Walk up to the girl pretending you think you are the prize, pretending you think you are entitled, pretending you are screening her, even if in reality you think that she is too good for you. Squash any feelings of inferiority hard. They are entirely unhelpful and also untrue. Objectively, you are both just human beings, and no one person is “better” than the other. Try this for a while: trust me, you will be surprised how quickly you start to fall into character and the new behaviour becomes natural to you. Faking it to make it and assuming a cocky but amusing and amused air of superiority was one of the fundamental factors that skyrocketed my success.
Your Approach Creates Attraction in Itself
This is a secret that very few people—only those who cold-approach regularly— know: your approach in itself creates attraction in a woman.
Earlier we discussed the issue of looks and height and their importance in meeting and attracting women, but in a way the whole “looks” argument is a red herring. Yes, of course, they help, and you need to have your fundamentals down, but if you approach like a man, with confidence, then this in itself greatly boosts your perceived attractiveness . Put it this way: had my photograph been shown with those of several other men to many of the girls I’ve fucked or dated prior to us meeting, I’m fairly certain that they wouldn’t have picked me out as being especially hot or great looking, but it’s irrelevant. They became attracted to me because of my approach and the nature of our interaction. Yes, female mating decisions may be made within seconds, but they are not based solely on physical criteria. This is why you should never wait for an indication of interest from a girl before approaching her. I’ve pulled girls who didn’t so much as glance in my direction before I started talking to them, and you should always take every opportunity that presents itself to you.
Posture: Your aim should always be to appear dominant and decisive. Don’t walk too fast, don’t slouch your shoulders, keep your hands by your sides, and do not cross your arms in front of you. Don’t touch your face while you are talking. It betrays nervousness.
Stance: If possible (depending on the situation in which you meet her), stand straight in front of her so that you are looking at her square on. Remember, you are the man, you are the boss, she is not . The key is to be entirely non reactive. Whatever she says or does doesn’t matter. If she is rude or tries to diss you, then by all means think of a clever retort if you can, but don’t sound offended. The best way to deal with any kind of a test is often simply to maintain eye contact, look cocky and unresponsive, and let her talk herself out. NEVER appear that you are upset by anything she says.
Eye contact: This is absolutely key to a successful seduction . Keep direct eye contact with her at all times during the interaction—cool, calm, not invasive or weird, but slightly cocky, as though you’re assessing her worth. Think about having sex with her as you look at her. Maintaining this kind of eye contact is incredibly powerful and actually does most of the heavy lifting of the pickup for you. Most men are not able to hold direct eye contact that communicates that it’s “on” for any length of time. Train yourself to do it and you will immediately set yourself apart from the crowd, and she will start to get turned on, giggle, and get nervous.
Without any need for physical touch, eye contact is an incredibly dominant, masculine behaviour that communicates what you want efficiently and is very sexy when done right.
Talking: Guys are often overly concerned with “what to say.” Understand that there is no magic pickup line that will get you girls. It just doesn’t work like that. At best, your opener may make the girl laugh, but that means very little. You still have to hook her in by revealing your personality while maintaining a dominant masculine frame. The best way to do this is to talk, a lot, about anything that comes into your head until something sticks.
What to say can be divided into two areas: the “opener ” or whatever you use to initiate the conversation, and then the main body of the conversation. The way I picture it is that the opener is a little like diving off a highboard. When you hit the water, you are submerged for a moment before you acclimatise yourself, rise to the surface, and develop a rhythm. Similarly, when a conversation with a girl hooks, you have found that rhythm, and now you’re swimming along safely. The trick is to handle the transition between opener and dialogue as well as you can. Realise though, that “smoothness” is something of a myth. You’re not James Bond, and more to the point, neither are the “natural” guys you see chatting up girls in bars and nightclubs.
Before I began practicing these techniques, I used to have no idea what to talk to girls about, but when you think about it, do you really imagine that all those other guys are engaging in carefully crafted dialogue with their girls? Of course not. In reality, they’re just making small talk like everyone else. What you have to do is to allow yourself to open up to the point where you can talk freely and free flowingly about whatever comes to mind . Sure, some conversational gambits may bomb, but it doesn’t matter. Just keep going until something sticks and be unreactive to any negativity from her, real or perceived.
“Openers”: The following are examples of simple openers that you might use to start a conversation with a girl in a public place during the daytime. They are all very simple: remember, the only function of an opener is to establish contact and start a conversation with a stranger. That’s it.
Direct
“Hey, I just saw you, and I think you’re incredibly cute, and I just had to come and meet you.”
“Hey, you’re adorable. I’m Troy. What’s your name?”
Indirect
(In the street) “Is there a Starbucks near here?”
(At a train station) “Does this train go to London Bridge?”
(In an art gallery) “Don’t you just love Picasso’s blue period?”
(In a supermarket) “Excuse me, where’s the pasta aisle?”
Direct and indirect approaches both have their fans and detractors. Broadly speaking, the advantage of direct is that you are communicating your real feelings up front, which is attractive, and which also reduces wasting time. You can get a sense of whether or not she likes you within a few seconds. If she doesn’t, then there is nothing lost. Simply move on.
The first time you approach a girl with a direct opener is really like jumping off a high diving board, and for many guys, it is entirely outside of their reality. It certainly was for me, but there is also great power in such an approach. I recall my first attempt well. I steeled myself and then went up to a woman in a drugstore in a busy London rail station and simply said, “Hi. You’re beautiful.” I really was prepared for the matrix to glitch and for the world to dissolve around me, but in fact her face cracked with pleasure. With a wide grin on her face, she thanked me and told me how flattered she was. I didn’t pull on that occasion, but it didn’t matter. The experience revealed to me just how simple, straightforward, and possible cold direct approaching can be for you.
Indirect is good, as it can “get you in under the radar” without the high risk and high blowout potential of direct. Some find it easier, as it can feel less intimidating to approach with a seemingly innocent question. Bear in mind, though, that girls aren’t stupid and generally know that you’re hitting on them. Also, you lose the peripheral attraction that can be generated by the direct approach. Others argue that, used properly, indirect allows you to establish more of a meaningful connection with the girl over and above just saying you fancy her, which makes it more likely she will see you again.
My view is that you should use both—direct whenever you can (on balance, it is my preferred method) and indirect when direct would be inappropriate for whatever reason, if, say, the attendant social pressure feels too great and you lose your nerve. Remember,