Law 3:
Create Opportunities:
Go For What You Want
On some level, and especially if they have read a bit about game and meeting women, many guys are aware that they have not been following Law 2 and that the potential pool they could be fishing from is significantly larger than the one that they are currently accessing. Law 3, therefore, is all about capitalising on this information and going for what you want like a man.
What you need to understand and internalise is this: the rom/com notion of holding out and meeting that one perfect girl is only made up to sell movies. Remember the part in Love Actually where Keira Knightley’s husband’s best friend (played by Andrew Lincoln) is secretly in love with her? Where he films their wedding on a camcorder and focuses on Keira for the whole thing? People may love the film, but can you imagine how creeped out any girl would be in real life? They’d most probably call the police. Such representations are basically fantasies created by film studios, partly to live up to the generic expectations of their audiences (and audiences collude with this: we all know that what we want out of movie genres is different from what we want in real life), and partly to facilitate story compression. After all, it wouldn’t work to have the hero of a film chatting up ten girls before finding one he has a connection with. The truth is, though, that this would be a more accurate reflection of real life.
Letting go of these received notions about the nature of women and relationships can be painful, but it is necessary, and it will open you up to a world of previously unimaginable success. From this point on, always remember that being good with women is about creating opportunities, and it is your job as a man to do so. Adopt this new life rule now :
Approach every woman you are attracted to.
It sounds simple, but very, very few men do it. Were you to follow this suggestion for just thirty days (and I strongly suggest you do: you can take a guess at the exercise coming up at the end of this chapter), I guarantee that you would see results that would compel you to maintain it for a lifetime. Let’s break down what it means for a moment. Every single time you see a woman that you are attracted to, be proactive. Find a way to communicate with her, and try get her contact details for a future meeting. Even better, take her on an “instant date,” and progress things appropriately. If you do this consistently, and the vast majority of men don’t , then do you think you will likely end up sleeping with more or fewer women than you do now?
The answer is obvious.
So, you’ve steeled yourself to approach every attractive woman you meet. How do you go about maximising each of these interactions? It sounds antiromantic to say so, but as I’ve already mentioned, the reality is that meeting women has much in common with the process of making sales for a business. What do you need to do to be an effective salesperson?
• Prospect, that is, identify as wide a pool of potential “leads” as possible.
• Present your product—in this case, yourself—in the best possible light.
• Overcome any objections.
• Do everything necessary to advance each prospect to a conversion: close the deal .
All of this is entirely analogous to the process of hooking up with cute girls. Paul Janka, the New York pickup artist, was famous for keeping a record of his conquests on an Excel spreadsheet. I have also used one to track prospects. This may seem a little cold-blooded and perhaps it is, but the bottom line is that there is a sexual marketplace out there that operates in pretty much the same way as an economic marketplace, and you need to approach it with persistence and determination. First, you must make sure you have your fundamentals down, and then follow the advice in this book to ensure that the way you present yourself each time is as favourable as possible. Second, you must widen your pool of potential female conquests by going out a lot and approaching each one you find attractive. You must be able to respond effectively to any objections that she might raise (“I don’t go home with guys on the first night,” “You’re not my type,” “You’re too old,” etc. ), and then you must do everything in your power to push each interaction forward to its logical conclusion every time .
In many ways, the above answers a question that gets asked a lot about any systematic approach to meeting women, namely, is it simply a numbers game? The answer is yes and no. Yes, because by simple logic the more women you approach, the more likely it is you will chance upon one who likes you and will be open to you. However, it is also possible to approach a vast number of women in the wrong way, without having your fundamentals down, and to achieve poor results because you are repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I was recently told about a guy who approached a thousand women in Central London without getting even a solitary kiss. Inevitably, this will be because of some flaw in his method or presentation that could most probably be corrected with some effort. That is why some form of instruction—this book, for example—is invaluable.
There are really only two different types of approach possible: direct and indirect .
Direct: You approach the girl and tell her that you find her attractive and want to get to know her.
Indirect: You make some comment appropriate to the context in which you find yourself that opens a conversation with your target, which you then use as a bridge into a romantic-sexual interaction.
The next chapter delves into how you should approach and what you should say in detail. The point here is that you should not be afraid to use either type of approach depending on the situation . Many people are hung up on only approaching at certain times of the day (e.g., in clubs at night) and only approaching in a certain way, but in doing so they are failing to maximise all opportunities. Remember:
• Take every opportunity that presents itself
• Progress each interaction to its logical conclusion
Of course, most men, influenced by ancient biomechanical survival instincts, find the idea of approaching an attractive woman incredibly intimidating. There’s no catchall answer to this, unfortunately, but adopting a mindset of abundance helps a lot (So what if this girl turns me down? There are millions of others just like her to choose from ) as does facing up to your fear and simply approaching anyway, time and again, until you are somewhat hardened and outcome independent.
By now, I have probably approached and interacted with several thousand women. My anxiety around it has faded to some degree. Certainly, I am less emotionally attached to rejections. They just don’t really register with me on any deep level anymore. A girl might have hundreds of reasons for turning you down that you are unaware of. Perhaps she really does have a boyfriend. Perhaps she’s just upset that day and not interested in talking to anyone. Perhaps—and this is key—she doesn’t think you are man enough for her. But this is not because she is objectively correct —you know you’re a cool guy—it just means that some element of your presentation was off. Oh well. Rinse, correct, then repeat. Paul Janka famously wrote that as a man you are lucky, because you can get turned down by one girl only to wind up getting a blow job from another in a taxi ten minutes later.
When I started, I never worried about rejection. In fact, I still don’t. I merely congratulate myself on having had the kahunas to walk up and talk to the girl in the first place. Do you realise how few guys actually walk up to women cold and interact with them? Having the courage to approach at all puts you in the top 5 percent of the male population. So instead of worrying about some girl who doesn’t even know you turning you down, just enjoy the process of meeting people you wouldn’t otherwise have met and realise that every approach you make toughens you up and gives you useful feedback that you can use to amend your technique the next time. Learn to love rejection as part of the process of meeting more women.
Similarly, never be afraid to progress each interaction as far as you can. The issue here is that once a guy has begun talking with a girl and it’s “going well,” there can be a tendency for him not to want to push things forward for fear of “spoiling” the good vibe that has already been created. Whatever you do, do not fall into this trap. Understand that a “good vibe” in itself is worthless. Your goal is not to have nice, safe conversations with women but to have sex with them. You are responsible for taking the lead in each and every interaction and moving it forward. She isn’t going to do it for you (in most cases) and anyway, a man who takes action is more sexually attractive to a women than a passive guy who waits for her to make all the moves.
Take the Pressure off Yourself: Lower the Bar
As stated, the next chapter explains in greater detail how you should approach and precisely what to say. Of course, you should read and digest this information carefully, and try to apply it. You may also want to watch online videos and consult other resources while considering the best openers to use, the best body language, and so on, but remember, as with any activity, theory will take you only so far . When you’re actually out interacting with real-life women, so many variables will come into play that you will find it hard to keep in mind everything you’ve learned, and developing the razor-sharp reactions that a truly polished seducer would aspire to can take a lifetime. Here, as with most endeavours, the danger is to compare yourself to others or to an imaginary idea of how you should be, and to always come up short.
The good news, which is one of the key messages of this book, is that this is entirely unnecessary. You don’t have to be a master seducer to enjoy great success with women. All you need is to be good enough in the context of each interaction. The British writer G.K. Chesterton famously said, “If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.” Such is the case with meeting woman. Don’t expect everything to go smoothly. There really is no such thing as a perfect pickup, and anyway, it is unnecessary. A lame approach is always better than no approach at all, because you simply can’t predict how a girl is going to react until you’ve broken the ice and talked to her. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t optimise every opportunity. You most certainly should (as stated above, this isn’t entirely a numbers game). But at the same time, the most important thing is that you create an opportunity rather than not. Remember: Do whatever you can in the moment . I have gotten lays through the lamest approaches and been blown out after the smoothest. In the end, no matter what pickup companies keen to sell products may tell you, there really is no 100 percent guarantee of what is going to work. How can there be, when you are dealing with an infinite number of personality types in an infinite variety of situations? What it all comes down to, more than technique, is the confident dominant vibe you give off, and that can only be achieved by trying those techniques that have worked for other people and loads of practice.
The Types of Women You Will Meet
Broadly speaking, you will meet three different types of women: they can be categorised as follows:
Some girls—definite “no” girls—will not be attracted to you whatever you do. Perhaps you are simply not her preferred type, or perhaps she is in a relationship that precludes her from seeing anyone else, even though she might be tempted. Definite “yes” girls are the opposite; these are girls who like you right off the bat almost regardless of how you approach and what you say. Just as you will feel a stronger pull to certain girls over others, the definite “yeses” are for whatever reason naturally predisposed to liking you. “Maybe” girls are in between; perhaps you are interesting to them and they would not rule you out immediately, but they require work to convert.
Fortunately, it has been estimated that these groups each make up around a third of the overall “universe” of women you are likely to approach, which means that two-thirds (a majority) will be at least potentially receptive. Your task is to weed out the definite “no” girls as quickly as possible, and not waste your time with them. Our focus here is finding and not messing up with definite “yes” girls and successfully converting “maybe” girls.
Broadly, there are only two seduction models: a one-tier model, where you meet and sleep with the woman on the same day or night (a first-night lay, which could then lead to a relationship if you wish), and a two-tier model, where you meet her, get her contact details, and arrange a date for another day before moving things on to a sexual level.
Which model you are working toward depends on two factors: (1) What you want (so if you are looking for a one-night stand, it makes sense for you to hunt in locations more geared to such interactions, i.e., bars and clubs) and (2) how far her logistics and personality type will allow her to go in that scenario.
The point is that you need to determine in your mind which model applies to the interaction you’re i