Law 1:
Have Your Fundamentals Down
The number one mistake guys make in terms of meeting women is also the most obvious— failing to have their fundamentals down . What I call the “fundamentals” are the most very basic elements of your appearance and the way in which you present yourself to the world. I would love to be able to tell you that these things don’t matter, and perhaps that is what you would like to hear—that how you look and dress have no bearing on your success with women (and with life in general)—but the reality is that they are very important.
Be realistic. If you are a badly dressed, overweight nerd with poor dress sense, then you will not be successful with women or certainly not to any great degree no matter what other good qualities you may have. We all have an idea of what a smooth, popular, attractive guy who gets girls looks like. Your job is to refine your vision of that guy through research and then become him. That’s not to say you couldn’t luck out with a particular girl who happens to like you without doing so, and it’s not to imply that these external elements are by any means the most important part of seduction, but why wouldn’t you maximise everything about yourself you can control to have the greatest choice possible?
I don’t want to come across as overly cynical here, but it is a useful to think of attracting women as analogous to the process of making a sale except that here you are the product. When a business owner sells something to the public, that person will ensure that it is as stylishly packaged and presented as possible to maximise the interest of potential customers. You need to do the same thing. Now, as stated, these externals, while very important, are by no means the most significant element in meeting women, but there is no doubt that looking good and being mentally and physically in shape will give you more confidence, which will improve your success rate. Even more importantly, focusing on yourself is a very valuable goal in its own right, even more important than your sex life.
Please also be aware, as we get into detail in this section, that this advice is not about doing anything inauthentic. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. The way you present yourself should be entirely congruent with your personality, which should shine through every aspect of your personal style.
Overall, the most important thing you have to do is look and act like a man . Much discussed in the seduction community is the idea of Alpha versus Beta males. See below for a couple of handy definitions:
• ALPHA: a man tending to assume a dominant or domineering role in social or professional situations
• BETA: A man who supplicates and avoids confrontation with other men and tries not to upset women—the classic “nice guy”
One is not necessarily better than the other; in fact, both have positive traits, but you need to ensure you veer more toward the alpha side. Throughout history, evolutionary theory shows that women are attracted to the strong, sexy dominance of alpha males. In pre-civilisation, polygamy was the dominant organising structure among humans: alpha males would monopolise the women and keep harems, while beta males would go without sex. As agriculture was introduced and civilisation matured, beta males essentially ganged up, and the system of marriage was introduced, ensuring (in theory) one woman for every man. But the primordial attraction for women to alphas remains constant. That is why early seduction theory famously advised against buying women drinks in bars. To buy a drink with the intention of trying to impress her or buy her time, positions you as a provider, a beta figure who lacks the raw sexual dominance to attract her though other means.
Don’t become a cliché. You don’t have to be a knuckle-dragging ape to be an alpha. It’s about attitude. The true alpha does what he wants, when he wants, and he doesn’t supplicate to others. Cultural influences such as feel-good rom/com movies, pop songs, and so on encourage a beta attitude in men—think of “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt or “When I Was Your Man” by Bruno Mars or movies like Love, Actually . The problem is that the behaviours portrayed here, such as buying flowers or borderline stalking in Love Actually (!), can be very seductive to romantically inclined young men, but not, unfortunately, to the women they’re trying to impress! Such gestures generally come off as lame, weak, and will turn girls off, at least if you make them before she’s already attracted to your core alpha attributes.
Much of this book is concerned with helping you develop these alpha characteristics. Bear this in mind when thinking about your fundamentals. Congruence is important. Your inner masculine attitude should shine through everything you do—how you dress, look, talk, etc. The good news is that “alphaness” can be easily learned and imitated. For inspiration, watch rap videos, movies, and read magazines. Select alpha male idols that appeal to you and mirror them in terms of dress, posture, and so on. You don’t have to go straight for the defaults, i.e., George Clooney. Be different. Choose men who are appropriate to your demographic and that you identify with. Alphaness comes in many stripes. (We will discuss this in more detail later.)
Looks and Height —Do They Matter?
Do looks matter? Honestly, of course they do. At the very least, they open doors. Facial good looks are a holy grail that draw the focus of female attention to a man. Height is important too. Most women like a man to be at least an inch or so taller than they are, with some favouring only those six feet and over, but in general attractive facial features carry more weight. The harsh truth of the matter is that if there’s an exceptionally good-looking guy in your group when you go to interact with women, he’ll get most of the attention. I have observed this many times, but let’s face it, it’s a fairly predictable phenomenon.
Does this mean, then, that if you are anything less than a six-foot-four stud with Ryan Gosling looks you should give up and crawl back into your cave? No. For one thing, unlike women who are judged (in the sexual marketplace) primarily on their appearance, men are also judged on a wide range of other attributes, such as confidence and dominance, which we’ll get into later. Also, for the vast majority of men, attractiveness can be improved with simple tweaks to their presentation and through good discipline and habits. Honest self- appraisal and then maximising your best points is the way to proceed.
Have a shower every morning and a bath or shower at night. Clean your teeth. If you don’t already have one, invest in an electric toothbrush. These suggestions are just very basic, but you need to make sure you’re doing what you should be doing. Let’s be real. Nothing says trailer park loser quicker than poor personal hygiene, and nothing turns a woman off faster. Stock up on drugstore shower gel and deodorants that smell pleasant and aren’t too chemical. Don’t worry too much about selecting expensive brands. Any masculine, non-flowery one will do, and don’t be conned by high prices. It’s all fundamentally the same stuff.
A good aftershave won’t hurt your chances with women and in most cases will help. Many girls have an interest in scent and preferences in the latest designer brands, even for men. How to navigate the tsunami of men’s fragrance advertising? Go to any big department store and talk to the female sales assistants there; they’ll advise you, and it’s a great opportunity to practise your flirting skills. Another tip is to become familiar with what are regarded as the most classy men’s designer brands. Identify those that resonate most strongly with you, and then check out their cologne offering. This is one area where you shouldn’t skimp on price. Realise that choosing a Tom Ford fragrance will raise your value in a girl’s eyes, while splashing on some Brut will lower it. Select wisely and check out the better men’s monthly magazines and their websites for options, e.g., GQ , Esquire , Details .
Leave your fear of metrosexual self-care at the door. If you don’t currently moisturise, then start doing so immediately . Not only will it help improve your skin long term, but it also provides one of the easiest ways for you to improve the way you look right now . If you’re on a tight budget, then by all means pick up something like Nivea Cream, but it’s really worth investing a bit more money if you can. I would recommend a product called Kiehl’s Face Fuel, which plumps up the skin, giving you a really healthy, wide-awake look. (Kiehl’s also has a really great range of other skin care products, including under-eye cream, which is fantastic for the morning after nights out, as well as antiaging creams, etc.) You can also get tinted moisturisers. L’Oreal is a good one for me. These products give your skin a healthy glow. Some people advocate sunbeds. I don’t use them for health reasons, but I think it’s undeniable that a tan or at least some colouring helps most guys look better.
Like skin, hair is an area where with a bit of care you can make a tangible bottom-line difference to your appearance quickly and easily. Specific advice should be tailored to the individual, as what looks good on you will depend on your facial shape, what type of hair you have, and so on, but read the better men’s mags, again, GQ , Esquire , Details , to get a sense of the sorts of cuts that appeal to you. Don’t worry if they seem too “out there” or “not you.” You should strive to expand your boundaries as much as possible in every area of your life.
In common with all style, it doesn’t matter what genre you go for as long as you appear—or can become—congruent with it. Classic and formal like David Gandy is great as is wild and messy like Harry Styles. Once you’ve decided on the look you want, find a decent stylist and start going to them regularly so that they can get to know your hair, and take their advice. I use Toni and Guy, a very fashion-forward company, but there are many other options. My man there gave me a great piece of advice on my first consultation: don’t try to be too trendy. Observe the way your hair sits naturally without any product, and style it accordingly. A decent cut is important but so is proper styling, so be sure to invest in a good product—wax, clay, glue, or gel—whatever works best with the look you want. A hair dryer may also be useful in adding volume and achieving something more dramatic.
Facial hair is currently very much in vogue. No doubt the current trend for beards will die down, but it seems unlikely that the enthusiasm for stubble will ever disappear altogether. I never like to be entirely clean shaven; it feels a bit too preppy, and stubble accentuates masculine polarity, being something that (most) women can’t grow! If you prefer the classic chiselled, clean-shaven look, however, then by all means go for it. In either case, you should invest in a good- quality shaving kit. I use a Remington electric with a digital display that can be adjusted to determine the length of your stubble to within a decimal place. In general, I keep the growth in the goatee area (chin, upper lip), a point longer than on the rest of my face, but you should experiment to see what works best for you. If you can’t grow a full beard, though, then keep your facial hair short and neat. There’s nothing that turns off a woman more than straggly bum fluff on a guy.
If you are not interested in fashion, then you should be—the way you dress is the way you present yourself to the world and is the most direct and effective way of communicating your personality to others.
Nowadays, with a proliferation of cheap clothing stores, there is really no excuse not to look good. A suit from H&M costing under £100 can look great as long as it fits well, and fit is always the most important thing to con sider when purchasing clothes. A slim-fitting item that accentuates the body is best, for the most part, unless you happen to live in a region where baggy is considered cool. A great strategy is to look at what men are wearing within the social group that contains your preferred female targets and imitate that within your budget, while putting your own spin on it . Whether you’re into bikers or bankers, aim to appear as though you are in the top echelon of that particular scene.
Your aim should always be to stand out within the context of whatever social situation you find yourself in. So while there’s probably little value in attending a royal garden party dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow (although it could be fun), you should nevertheless bend the rules as much as you can to ensure that you are the coolest person there. In practice, this almost always means details. If you’re wearing a suit, how can you accessorise to look cooler? How about splashes of bright colour—socks, ties, pocket squares, and so on? You should always be looking to create a point of difference that makes you stand out. A good rule of thumb to follow: If you stand in front of the mirror before going out and there is nothing remarkable about your appearance for people to comment on, then you are looking too generic, and you should go back and change.
Where to buy clothes? I am agnostic about “designer” brands, particularly so- called “diffusion lines” (the less-expensive lines that brands like Armani put out to <