Claiming Personal Strengths: The Third Key to Happiness
The Third Key to Happiness: We are filled with native talents and resources, personal strengths. These resources support our Deepest Desires. Apply them in daily life to manifest dreams.
Cinderella is joyful with the news the Prince will marry a woman with whom he finds shared love. It will be a reciprocal relationship giving and receiving authentic love. Finally, here is someone who shares Cinderella’s goals. She intuitively knows she will be the perfect wife for the Prince. Her predicament? How does she translate this inside knowing to her outside self and circumstance? What steps will she need to take in order to match her outsides with her dreams? From outward appearances Cinderella is not a suitable bride to marry the Prince. She is poor and invisible to most people. She is occupied with cleaning and errands. There is no time in her day for a quiet cup of coffee. She is harried under the constant strain of more work than one person could reasonably accomplish.
Cinderella has no time to think about what outfit would look pretty if she attends the Prince’s party. Her clothes are patched and thread barren beyond recognition or style. She has no outfits except the rags she pieced together—cast offs, tattered and stained, through careless treatment. Cinderella’s nails are unpolished, broken and chipped. Her hands—raw from hot water and scrubbing. In cold weather they crack and bleed.
She is a quiet person. Silence is her strategy to avoid the contemptuous criticisms and the grating laughter of her stepmother. Her day begins before dawn and ends well past sunset. Her eyes burn. Her body droops with fatigue. Where will she find the resources to attend the ball and meet the Prince? When can she make a dress? How will she travel to the castle? Who will escort her past the formidable palace gates? What kind of polite conversation should she make? Her circumstances felt hopeless.
This is what Deepest Desires look like to each of us! They seem unattainable. The obstacles in our path are insurmountable. The home of Deepest Desires stretches far beyond the stars—a journey light years beyond our reach. For many people their hopes and desires seem so far away they give up on the journey before they begin. Ironically, our seemingly unattainable desires concurrently continue to live deep inside us. Yes, happiness resides inside our secret longings, albeit sequestered, seeking to be released. Remember the First Key to Happiness: Deepest Desires are the seeds of our happiness. The beginnings of happiness are born from our identification and recognition of Deepest Desires.
How can our desires seemingly inhabit an unreachable universe and simultaneously reside inside us? The conundrum of Deepest Desires is they give two messages: yes, we can achieve them. No it’s not possible. Yes, we are strong enough, imaginative enough, resourceful and resilient enough to realize our dreams. No, we are not qualified. We do not have the expertise required to pull our dreams into our future. Our desires embody paradox. And paradoxes are frustrating and annoying. They pull us in opposing directions. Yes, it’s possible, and no it’s impossible. I want it but I can’t have it. Both statements appear to be true. Reality requires one truth; it is either possible or not possible. What appears to be hopeless circumstances discourage many people from attempting to manifest their dreams.
People remain in bad marriages, they continue in a lifeless job with no future prospects for advancement and fail to pursue their hobbies and interests for a seeming lack of time and resources. Do you know anyone who rationalizes their abandonment of Deepest Desires by labeling the rejection “reasonable and practical?” Ignoring our dreams can leave us in despair. A life of avoiding Deepest Desires can become a nightmare. For some people the pursuit of secret wishes in public, where everyone can see them, is terrifying. What if we look foolish? What if our Deepest Desires really are unattainable? What if we try and fail? We doubt our abilities to create our Deepest Desires in real time. We’re afraid we’ll be mocked, rejected, or belittled if we look into and claim the interior geography that houses our dreams. And don’t even let me get started talking about how vulnerable and exposed we feel pursuing dreams.
If we grew up in a family or culture believing happiness comes from hard work, the prospect of taking time away from drudgery to build our dreams is foreboding, dangerous, sinister… Adding to our fear is the expectation living our dreams will take every ounce of strength we have and then require more strength. Where will we find the extra strength? Where will we find the creativity, the time, the drive to create tangible dreams? If life as we know it has us feeling tired, the mountain we’ll need to climb to transform our dreams into reality appears as daunting as setting out to climb Mt. Everest as a novice climber.
I feel this every time I start to write a book. While the initial writing feels enormous and impossible, the truth is writing turns out to be the easy part. What?! Yes, the impossible task of writing a book is the easy part of manifesting a book product. Editing a book is a process of purification for the contents of the book and me. Laying down the bones, filling in the structure, expanding and deleting, listening for the voice of the book to tell me its secrets, evolving one iteration after another until both the book and I are different versions of ourselves than when we began. The whole process from start to finish is impossible. I have no idea how on earth anyone successfully completes the task. Then I was surprised to find the work after I’ve written the book, to search out and find readers, can be just as arduous and vulnerable as writing.
This is what Deepest Desires look like to each of us! They’re unattainable. The obstacles are insurmountable. Deepest Desires are light years beyond our reach. We begin with the realization Deepest Desires embody the impossible and the possible. No we are not qualified. We do not have the expertise required to pull our dreams into our future. Over the arc of time, i.e. the Great Silence, the byproduct of our focused efforts while engaging personal strengths builds our qualifications and expertise. We are purified of the parts of ourselves that sabotage dreams. It is engaging our personal strengths in service of Deepest Desires that separates the possible from the impossible. Through persistence we find we are strong enough, imaginative enough, resourceful and resilient enough to realize our dreams.
Climbing a mountain to pursue our Deepest Desires includes the risk we may get lost. It’s true. Striving to achieve our goals we will get lost, and more than once. The quest for converting Deepest Desires into daily reality is lonely or crowded with distractions or both lonely and crowded with distractions. The sheer magnitude of the task can be alarming. The process transforms us. Transformation looks great on paper but the reality is often terrifying. Who will we become? Will we be a stranger to ourselves? The evolution of our Deepest Desires will simultaneously evolve us. It’s rarely a smooth process. More often than not our procedure will be filled with anxiety and questions; side by side with the joy of engaging our strengths. For example: The infinite rewrites of a book forge the elements into a cohesive whole. The medium of purification is the flame of creativity. The achievement of this conversion in the temporal world could take years, or could happen so quickly we feel unprepared.
The task of manifesting Deepest Desires is forbidding. How do we convert our dreams with so many daily requirements taxing our resources? We delude ourselves we’re happier staying away from dreams. We retreat to other commitments as a defense. Living our Deepest Desires may appear to be frivolous so we cast them aside. In the name of survival (which is important!) we take a job that has little meaning for us. We absorb ourselves in restless chatter, food, TV, drugs, gossip or other people’s dramas. We pay attention to anything that will distract us from the emptiness of our lives without our dreams. So what is the solution? It’s through embracing the frictions of dueling priorities we are thrown into the fires of creative transmutation. This is the alchemy of Deepest Desires embodied within daily life.
Why do we bother? Because one way or another our Deepest Desires continue to pull on our longings to live our destiny. We’re hungry for the opportunity to engage our personal strengths. We feel unfulfilled, lonely, lost and confused when we abandon our dreams. It’s the pursuit of Deepest Desires that gives us enthusiasm to leap out of bed and greet the day with eagerness. Living our strengths interwoven within our Deepest Desires we become vibrant. Life explodes from black and white into Technicolor as we inhabit our strengths in the real world.
The Fairy Godmother’s first inquiry to Cinderella is whether she has enough courage and the faith to believe in her ability to manifest her Deepest Desires—even in the face of seemingly impossible odds. This challenge is the first gift the Fairy Godmother gives Cinderella. The Fairy Godmother is irrevocably committed to Positive Possibilities. “Impossible odds” have little meaning. When Cinderella answers with an emphatic “yes” their conversation deepened. Together they defined the parameters of Cinderella’s dreams and made a Proclamation. Cinderella’s Deepest Desire is to find true love. She needs a life receptive to her desires. She wants to create beauty, to express and receive love, with every conversation or chore. Stepping further into the realm of Cinderella’s Deepest Desires, the Fairy Godmother wants to know whether Cinderella has anybody in mind she might want to marry?
Cinderella’s face lights up. Her skin is highlighted in shades of rosy pink. Her eyes shine. She stands straight, belly in, shoulders down, as if an invisible string lifts her heart. She is poised while describing a story from her childhood. Very few people know, when Cinderella was a young girl her Mother and Father played Bridge, a strategic card game, with the King and Queen. Beginning in early afternoon the card games went deep into the night, spread over the course of several days. As far back as Cinderella can remember her parents brought her to the castle on these occasions. The castle became a second home, a playground for Cinderella and the Prince.
Reminiscing with the Fairy Godmother Cinderella describes hair flying behind her during wild chases. She is talking with the Fairy Godmother and simultaneously she is in the faraway, reliving running down the basement stairs and out into the gardens. The Prince thunders behind her as she speeds through the game rooms set up for ping pong and badminton. She hides in the laundry room behind the wooden chutes that carries the laundry down into a gigantic holding tank made out of garden trellis material. Sneaking past the Prince, Cinderella opens the exterior door. Rough aggregate steps lead up to the garden. Racing up these stairs, into the sunny garden, are infinite hiding places. Later they sat amidst the flowers, or on stone steps soft with overgrown moss, enjoying a view of the distant hills draped in mist.
If the weather kept them indoors sometimes they hid behind the panel used to store blankets. Sitting on slippery quilts stacked high they unobtrusively listened to the adult’s table talk. Occasionally the King pounded the table in laughter. Cinderella and the Prince share a smile. Bridge tables set up in the castle ballroom are surrounded by buffets of food; pancakes, bacon and eggs fill one sideboard. Sandwich interiors and fresh breads cover another table. There are tables of pastas, hot and cold. Desserts, fresh fruit…The foods fill empty stomachs and the brains requiring energy to outsmart opponent’s strategies.
Roses of every color spill out of centerpieces marking sideboards of food. Fragrant lilies or orange tree blossoms are the centerpieces marking the counters holding beverages. Walking inconspicuously around the edges of the room Cinderella and the Prince held hands giving each other the strength to pilfer the food. Frequently they are waylaid by a family friend swooping in for a hug. When the Prince politely inquires about the evening’s games they most often heard, “Oh I’m playing the dummy right now.” This is mystifying. In daily life adults rarely label themselves ‘dummies.’ Walking toward the tables groaning with food and deserts Cinderella shook her head. “Why do they refer to themselves as the dummy?” They shrug at the strangeness of adults.
Occasionally they tiptoed on quiet feet up to the attic. On stormy windblown nights they opened trunks perusing hidden treasures until the contents are well known to them. As they got older they dressed in clothing found in the chests pushed to the back corner where the eaves meet the walls. Cinderella’s favorite gown is cream colored lace just slightly rusty with time. The undergarment is a rich silk. Spaghetti straps were invisible under a matching bolero lace jacket. The fabric pooled at her feet creating a puddle of lace and silk. If the attic was chilly they found old furs still soft under their fingertips. Sometimes Cinderella wore a black taffeta silk dress, previously a Queen’s inaugural gown, the skirt is wide, supported by a light framework of petticoats.
The Prince routinely dressed in military uniforms he found in another trunk haphazardly pushed against the wall. A sash of medals seemed to make him stand taller to Cinderella’s observing eyes. An officer’s cap slid down past his ears until he took it off in disgust. Pushing trunks together they ate their stolen food, while rain and wind lashed against the lead glass windows. After eating they practiced dancing. She tripped. Laughing the Prince caught her. In their early years he often trod on her toes. She giggled or finally exasperated elbowed him in the ribs. Over the years they learned to flow as one, united by athletic skill and grace. Later they might pad in sore bare feet down the stone hallway and into the kitchen to steal handfuls of still warm sugar cookies dusted in baker’s sugar. If the cook caught them she heated warm milk or creamy chocolate with a hint of vanilla. Taking their cookies upstairs they found an unoccupied guest room and made themselves comfortable. Lounging on sofa or bed eating cookies they embellished stories. Cinderella’s source is the town square gossip. The Prince overheard his stories hanging around the guard’s break room. One conversation led to another until they fell asleep warmed by the fire, invisible in a pile of silk comforters.
Cinderella returned from her reverie to find the Fairy Godmother intently watching her and nodding. Recounting happy childhood times her eyes sparkled. Her voice was light and lilting. For Cinderella these days and nights were pure magic. Her time with the Prince is the basis for Cinderella’s dreams of marriage. Bridge games at the castle stopped with her mother’s death. Frowning, biting her lip, she said, “I’m not sure the Prince would recognize me now. People look away when they see me on the street. I’ve become invisible.”
Shortly after her first meeting with the Fairy Godmother, as Cinderella hurried through her errands, the town was buzzing with news. “The Prince will only marry for love.” He issued a Proclamation! Cinderella gathered several copies. Enough copies for her stepmother and stepsisters, and several to scatter throughout the house. The extra copy she keeps folded in the inside pocket of her skirt. Later that day as twilight streaked the sky pink and gold, the Fairy Godmother appeared amidst the cauliflower and broccoli. With shaking hands Cinderella dusted off the remnants of garden dirt and reached inside her pocket, reverently unfolding a copy of The Proclamation. Carefully smoothing the parchment paper she began reading to the Fairy Godmother:
The Proclamation
Today I declare my quest to find a Queen. The woman who will become our Queen lives her strengths applied to a greater purpose. A woman strong enough to love beyond short comings, yet holds each member of her family accountable to their promises. Uniting our personal strengths we will see in each other the possibilities of a life of wonder. Through partnership we are stronger, able to address the concerns of each day and what life might cast upon us. A Royal marriage will flourish amidst daily demands, softening our hearts when compassion is needed. Kindness is balanced with strength. Justice is balanced with temperance. Compassion is balanced with insight. Although my bride is sweet do not assume she is weak. She is congruently powerful. She assesses truth with love.
To assist in my quest the King and Queen are holding a gala; a celebration of the past, embracing hopes for the future. Every young woman, all families in the Kingdom are invited. A special welcome back to those who played in the castle while growing up!
A Proclamation is a way to gather courage. The secret to making dreams come true? Deepest Desires, forged into a Proclamation, tied to congruent behaviors encourage Positive Possibilities. This series of events ignites the Universal Law of Ever Expanding Beneficence. Do you recognize of the Power of Beneficence? Look at the plum trees growing in town square. Can you see the branches filled to overflowing with its fruit? This is nature’s reflection of the Power of Beneficence.
My message to you today: Beneficence is not a power reserved for princes and plum trees. Beneficence is a thread of power inherent in the tapestry of life. It is available when we claim our Deepest Desires, matching them with congruent behaviors. A Proclamation and congruent actions are the tools of Beneficence. The Universal Law of Ever Expanding Beneficence is ignited, when through our actions, utilizing our resources, we pull our dreams from the insubstantial realm of the imagination into the physical realm of daily life.
We have seen other countries torn apart when the Prince and Princess are not living harmoniously. Even the monarchy is at risk when unhappiness spirals beyond the boundaries of the Kingdom to infect our relationships with other countries. Such is the importance of all marriages. Together we form a community. I invite you to join me by pursuing or revitalizing your own Deepest Desires. Trust your dreams to the Universal Law of Ever Expanding
Beneficence and climb the rungs of the Golden Ladders in your efforts to pull your dreams into reality.
After reading The Proclamation Cinderella and the Fairy Godmother sighed. Pure pleasure washed through them. The Prince is determined to manifest his Deepest Desires without compromise, without fear of change or fear of ridicule, and with bold resolve. Behind the shine in the Fairy Godmother’s eyes is the joy of working with the Prince to craft his Proclamation. (The Fairy Godmother doesn’t just work with orphaned servant girls.)
The miracle of Deepest Desires? In their presence everyone feels excitement, hope, and the sweet ring of truth. Infinitesimal sparks of fire twinkle as Cinderella and the Fairy Godmother name and define Cinderella’s desires. Designing her Proclamation they are building optimism for her future. Interacting with the Fairy Godmother provides Cinderella with the inspiration to sort out the paradox of Deepest Desires. How could Cinderella pull a dream far beyond her means into her daily reality? For those of us who take on the challenge of living beyond the paradox, we do so by clinging to our Deepest Desires in the face of every disheartening obstacle. It is as simple as making a sacred promise. Unite with Deepest Desires and utilize the resources available to manifest our dreams.
Simultaneously with our search we use our skills to meet the demands of daily life. For example the young man who wants to become a professional video gamer uses his technical skills; the small motor control enhanced by playing video games, in a job that brings in money. Think of the technicians who type court transcripts. While she is a Queen in training Cinderella never stops cleaning. Her skills of organization and impeccable effort will translate into her life in the royal palace. Until then she cleans.
The entire principality engages with the Prince’s decree. People assess their resources, re- examining forgotten dreams. Citizens wonder how to evolve their Deepest Desires. Some consider education and apprenticeship in the anticipation of realizing future dreams. Tangible acts in service to Deepest Desires inspire others. The Prince’s Kingdom is alive with hope and corresponding behaviors. Cinderella, too, is inspired by the Prince’s sacred oath. His promise became her resource, she drew on his strength. The Prince made a sacred vow and he is loyal to his promise. His loyalty is an asset, stoking the fires of his dreams and giving vitality to all his actions. The Fairy Godmother helps Cinderella realize it doesn’t matter if her stepsisters laugh at her dreams. Her stepmother’s disdainful and contemptuous criticisms of her efforts are unimportant. Cinderella and the Prince are a match at the level of Deepest Desires. Their minds, hearts, and souls are the fit of two puzzle pieces coming together.
Personal strengths are empowering. Operating from personal strengths intertwined with Deepest Desires is joyful. They are your resources. Unite them with your Proclamation. When our strengths and Proclamation dovetail we are transformed. We are evolving self-mastery into personal authority. But even more happens. Resources expand. We broaden and deepen positive emotion. Layer upon layer of engagement increases our strengths and conversely strengthens our assets. The more time we spend in our personal strengths the more mastery and sovereignty is woven into our expressions and experience. When we join our strengths with Deepest Desires we create Positive Possibilities colored by the reflections of our dreams.
Cinderella spent her days cleaning and by the end of the day she was as limp as her dish rag. All day long Cinderella was practicing the art of making beauty and harmony. She didn’t carelessly wipe off the counter. She made hot water by gathering a bucket of water from the well and heating it over the fireplace. Then she used the hot water and soap to scrub the counter until it was gleaming. If there was a particle of food glued onto the counter surface she used her fingernail like a tool to scrape the dirt away even at the expense of fingernails broken and chipped. By the time Cinderella was done cleaning the kitchen counter little sparkles of light bounced off the shiny surface.
How does all this work meld? Cinderella infuses her chore with the energy of her desire to create beauty. Creating beauty is one expression of her personal strengths. A sparking clean home builds her self-esteem. Her efforts lead her down a path of fulfillment and excitement; from drudgery to joy and from depression to elation. When Cinderella is dusting, mopping and scrubbing she isn’t just cleaning she is creating serenity. She is engaging her personal vision. She is lost in the moment. She is absorbed in her desire to create beauty as a way of expressing love for her parents. Operating from her personal strengths she is grounded in a state of absorption and flow.
Absorbed in the moment time disappears. By working with intentionality she is building positive emotions. These are the ways Cinderella will care for her husband creating their home anew each day with her love. By engaging her native strengths, blending her personal and environmental resources, dedicated to the purpose of creating positive outcomes; the apparent contradiction or the paradox of Cinderella’s Deepest Desires begin to disappear. Cinderella enters the transcendent realm where all things are possible.
The Third Key to Happiness: We are filled with native talents and resources that support our Deepest Desires. Apply them in daily life.