Are you happy? I’m not talking about superficial happiness. Wait. Superficial happiness is important. Seek it out. If you find happiness in the clothes you wear, the home you live in, a powerful car; if it’s affordable? Enjoy! My only cautionary note; superficial happiness alone is a cardboard, one-dimensional, imitation of life. Superficial happiness cannot substitute the satisfaction of engaging our talents and personal strengths. It cannot take the place of the contributions we make to others. Superficial happiness, hand in hand, with a life of meaning and purpose? Perfect.
The Way of the Fairy Godmother is a path to happiness, grounded in our strengths as well as superficial enjoyments. A happiness rooted in purpose and meaning, improving our life and the lives of others. Why is this important? Authentic happiness is good for us and also good for the people who are important to us. Research in the field of positive psychology tells us happiness actually creates success. We resource our environment more effectively when happy. We feel permission to be a version of our best-possible-self. More than the pleasure of engaging our strengths and growing well-being, genuine happiness is a buffer to stress and illnesses. Genuine happiness can be larger and more powerful than our problems.
Everyone has their favorite fairy tale. Few of us notice our lives follow fairy tale motifs. Fairy tales are implanted with seeds of wisdom each reader can utilize in real life. We have forgotten fairy tales are written for the purpose of imparting wisdom. They’re a map for living a life of meaning and wonder. One paradigm of happiness; tailored in the ethereal costume of fairy tales, is personified by the Fairy Godmother. I imagine her wearing a dress made from the silk of fairy dust spun together into living, oscillating threads of light. Her face is filled with an ineffable beauty. She is unshakable in her optimism. The light and color of a million rainbows fragment, permeate, and surround her. When I am with her I am exquisitely alive yet relaxed and alert.
In the story of Cinderella a pivotal moment occurs when the Fairy Godmother appears out of nowhere and startles Cinderella out of her misery. We don’t know how many years Cinderella suffered before the Fairy Godmother turned up. But when the Fairy Godmother does show up Cinderella recognizes this will not be an ordinary conversation. First the Fairy Godmother asks Cinderella to describe her dreams. Positive Possibilities for our future live in our dreams. The Fairy Godmother knows how to focus Cinderella’s attention. Together they design a Proclamation. They personalize a strategy. They transform elements already present in Cinderella’s environment in service to their goal. Their efforts entwine, funnel together, to help Cinderella get to her first date with the Prince.
The plan encourages Cinderella to interact in life with dignity and purpose, a version of her best possible self. Re-purposing, resourcing what is already available in the environment, this revitalization is the foundation of Cinderella’s success. Like all successful plans, their plan includes the superficial aspects of happiness. My Fairy Godmother and I believe, despite what philosophers might argue, utility and materialism are essential aspects of a happy life. Cinderella doesn’t go to the ball wearing rags.
Cinderella is shy. Her nature is sweet. But don’t confuse sweet with simple. In her kindness she is not weak. The further she steps from the myths of the wicked stepmother, the more the grief of her losses are resolved, the stronger Cinderella becomes. She is fierce. The challenges and losses in her life did not harden her as you might guess. They clarified her. She is quiet yet astute. Her dreams to live within love have become her priority. The party dress she and the Fairy Godmother created reflect Cinderella’s qualities. Do you begin to see how inner and outer work together? Who has not seen someone dressed at odds? The story of Cinderella in modern times was recreated in the movie Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts. Dressed as a prostitute she was garish and inappropriate. We see her inner transformation reflected in her new elegant clothes.
In the years before meeting the Fairy Godmother it may appear Cinderella has constructed a solitary world. Yet all day long Cinderella is interacting with nature. The sun marks the passage of her day. A cool breeze is a gift after weeding the vegetables. She marks the weather’s impact on her garden, hoping for a little more of this and a little less of that. She keeps her mother’s vision alive tending to the rose garden and is rewarded by their fragrance and beauty. Throughout the day she talks with the farm animals. Blackie is always ready to share a walk in the forest. Even while she cleans Cinderella is interacting with the positive memories of her family life. While limited; nature, animals, memories are effective at keeping Cinderella open to the goodness in life.
Researchers say there is little happiness in solitude. Based on their statistics all happiness requires social engagement with people. I disagree. Solitary happiness can be a piece of the bigger pie known as complete happiness. ….You’ll know what’s true for you. Beyond this debate positive psychology tells us happiness is the synergistic combination of positive emotions, the engagement of personal strengths, and building self-mastery in service to a purpose greater than ourselves. Could we say happiness is a marriage of the superficial with our deeper purpose and solitude balanced interactions? In the domain of the Fairy Godmother authentic happiness is achieved when we utilize our personal strengths engaged in the pursuit of our Deepest Desires. Desires filled with purpose and meaning, for ourselves and those around us. WHEW! It’s epic!
This is why Old Wise Ones encouraged us to live our dreams. The actions required to manifest our dreams into tangible reality can crush us. But engaged in the pursuit of authentic happiness we are buffered from the erosive effects of stress. That’s right, in the realm of the Fairy Godmother we don’t have to realize our final goal of happiness to be under the umbrella of its protection. Ultimately our pursuit of authentic happiness grounds us in the essential self and is larger than our problems. It still sounds like a fairy tale until we realize all the work involved. Fairy tales are filled with insurmountable tasks and enormous burdens. And so is real life.
Often we feel the time to realize our dream has passed us by. Is it true? Do you know beyond a shadow of doubt your dream is irrelevant? Is there a time when dreams are no longer applicable? Before we throw away our dreams let’s apply the skills of good living to a dream. Ask yourself, does my dream need updating? Does my dream take a different form now than twenty years earlier? Do I have competing dreams? Are there different periods of life to accomplish these goals? As motherhood is tethered to the years of our fertility some dreams are tied to our developmental capacities or other resources. Unrealized dreams can take on new life. Let me give an example from my own past.
How can dreams from our past unexpectedly fulfill us? I longed to be a dancer in my twenties. I changed my major from Sociology to a double major, Dance and Sociology. Eventually I recognized I did not have the skills to realize my dreams. I had started dancing too late. My body could not keep up with the muscle memory of women who started dancing when they were six. I struggled, striving to realize my goal, and ultimately grieved the loss of my dream. I was never going to be the dancer I longed to become. I could become a teacher or a choreographer. Instead I turned my attention to another dream, graduate school in counseling. Years later a woman, much like a Fairy Godmother to me, told me, “Our lost dreams come back to us. They return better than before.” It sounded good. But I didn’t believe it possible for me.
Yet in my forties I went to a yoga class with my girlfriend who was going through a divorce. She begged me to go with her for moral support. I was so grateful I wasn’t going through a divorce, I agreed. In a few weeks my friend was nowhere near a yoga mat. I was taking classes several times a week. It seemed my meditations, prayers, ceremonies from recent years, in conjunction with my failed dance dreams, came together in an unexpected way. I lost myself in the flow of stillness and movement. It was the beginning for me of daily yoga spanning the next twelve years. Dreams, seemingly failed, from our past can be reborn.
On the surface the interaction between Cinderella and the Fairy Godmother looked magical and mystical—and it was. Yet at the practical level they utilized tools available to us all. Tools designed to encourage positive outcomes. The Fairy Godmother knows climbing the Golden Ladder, where each rung represents a specific action tied to a Deepest Desire, will transport us toward success. How exactly does this work? Each of us is born into life with personal strengths. Our quest for a happier life begins with identifying our individual powers. And your next question might be, “What are personal strengths and powers?”
Let’s take a look at Cinderella. She is sweet and thoughtful. Although her family bosses her around, overwhelming her with tasks, the reason she is able to get it all done is because she likes work that makes her home beautiful. Another person’s distinguishing strengths might be courage and loyalty. For others friendship and acceptance, or curiosity and ingenuity could be revealed as strengths. Look at scholars. I would be surprised if you could find one scholar who was not the curious type. Curiosity is found in most teachers combined with an infectious enthusiasm for sharing knowledge. Each of us has a mix of strengths drawn from the universal pool of faith, truth, love, beauty, temperance, and creativity, love of learning, justice, wisdom, kindness, leadership, fairness, or transcendence.
These sound lofty or maybe they only look great on paper. But what I know for sure, (thank you Oprah) ignoring our strengths puts our happiness at risk. Engaging our talents is the foundation of satisfaction in life. When we lose ourselves in strengths time falls away. Think of the scholar lost in an array of books, looking at the clock, dazed to realize how much time disappeared. We can identify our strengths by paying attention. When do we lose self- consciousness? When are we so absorbed in tasks time slips away? And notice what gives you joy. Joy is a sure sign we’re engaging our strengths.
Cinderella is young and has not matured to the point of manifesting her dreams. However she is already engaging her strengths. The Fairy Godmother is drawn to Cinderella’s passion for extending love and creating beauty. Undeterred by criticism raining down upon her Cinderella brings a loving presence into every moment and each chore. While she works Cinderella interacts with her Deepest Desire to love well. She remembers her mother and father and their family flourishing in her childhood home. This focus shields her from the negativity in her environment. Is it possible Cinderella works, not for the interlopers living in her home, but to honor her parents? Could her step-monsters be irrelevant? By the time the Fairy Godmother appears their criticisms and anger roll off Cinderella. She stays focused on the task in front of her. Cinderella affirms life grounded in her ability to love and create beauty. Cinderella’s problem is finding a relationship to engage and return her love.
I’m embarrassed to say I was 50 years old before I realized I might be more productive if I embraced the Fairy Godmother as my personal symbol rather than Cinderella. So I started reading. I searched for books about fairies or the Fairy Godmother specifically. I cobbled together ideas, a sentence here and there that carried the ring of authenticity. This is an important tool. For those of you ready to hear this: Learn to listen for the ring of truth. It is invaluable in life and fairy tales.
I studied each fairy tale assessing the symbols. I strained to see beyond cultural imprints. Then I had an epiphany. The interactions between Cinderella and her Fairy Godmother form an apprenticeship. Yes, Cinderella is apprenticing to the Fairy Godmother! She is a Fairy Godmother in training. Like all healers Cinderella’s life is her first training ground. Is it true we can heal others once we’ve healed the wounds of our past? Is this how we develop skills?
As an apprentice to psychology and mysticism, I first practiced healing on the ruptures of my past distorting the present. I had a teacher who was like a Fairy Godmother. I spent decades training. I learned and then incorporated the practices of healing from many cultures. Knowledge is transformed into wisdom only when we practice and use the tools ourselves. I can study how to hang a painting but I only know how to use the hammer and nail when I try hanging a painting for myself. As my apprenticeship continued I sat in stillness for twenty minutes a day. I was taught how to smooth the energy lines and danced with power each day. I learned how to build tools of prayer. I followed a process to awaken the Four Directions. I practiced moving through the directions. Now I choreograph energy with positive intent. Most importantly I learned to create beauty.
Cinderella and I learned the transformation of knowledge to wisdom by practicing the tools of healing on the wounds of the past until they were resolved or simply no longer required our attention. Cinderella awakens to a version of her best possible self in order to find her Prince, become a Princess, and eventually transform into a Queen. Imagine a Queen with the skills of a Fairy Godmother. I’m not talking about fairy tales. I’m talking about real life!
Come on! Why don’t we have classes in high school? Teach girls, entering the period of the Young Maiden, the skills of searching for and identifying a Prince. Teach our young women, not the cultural representations of spoiled princess and domineering queen, but the authentic choices of strengths-in-action. Imagine the ripple out effect of declining divorce rates, reducing the overcrowding in the family court system, well-tended children….Wait! I’m not done yet!
Instruct young men in the leadership of a Prince and later King. Teach children to hear the ring of truth by honoring the resonance at home and work, in church, or during an argument. Identify the tools of congruency, strengths synchronized across the dimensions of mind, body and spirit. Educate them when confronted with a discrepancy between words and behavior (IE: wolf in sheep’s clothing, silver tongue and no follow through) be cautious! Teach children how to identify and avoid risky relationships and how to exit when necessary.
My own apprenticeship to the Fairy Godmother was a revelation and the foundation of this book. The Fairy Godmother provided the tools of wisdom for Cinderella to find her “happily ever-after.” You probably realized all along the Fairy Godmother was training Cinderella in the skills of living well. I was so involved in the goal I missed the process. I had to slow down and observe the Fairy Godmother in my meditations. I discovered a delicate, magical creature. For her, prolonged exposure to the harsh toxicities of modern life is lethal. Negativity, pollution, dysfunctional relationships are deadly for her….and you too! Her home is in the ether realm of the Fairies. But out of her deep and abiding commitment to share the qualities of love, beauty and virtue, she occasionally penetrates our physical environment to teach us. She is beneficent and altruistic. She is committed to a path of radiant happiness.
At this point some of you may be thinking it’s easy for the Fairy Godmother to be happy because she has no adversity in her life. Whether or not the Fairy Godmother has adversity or has grown beyond the bounds of adversity is not an issue for me. Instead I wonder: How does the Fairy Godmother operate? What tools does she use to transform Cinderella from a waif into a princess—from a servant into royalty? It’s not the magic wand that caused the transformation. Even though the Fairy Godmother’s wand is filled with a million years of starlight, a magic wand is only a device designed to focus the owner’s personal potency. Can you imagine a million years of starlight backing up your personal power? Holy Cow.
What transformed Cinderella? How was Cinderella purified? Yep, to reach our goals we all go through purification mind-body-spirit. Do some of us turn our backs on our dreams because we are afraid of what we’ll have to face, in ourselves and others? The Fairy Godmother gave the skills of happiness to Cinderella. Cinderella used these gifts to bring about her own transformation. How many people in your life are committed to expressing happiness in a way that betters themselves and others? I’m talking about the capacity and willingness to perform acts of caring, practical expressions of love. Troubles in today’s world can be overwhelming. We see broken families, economic downturns, loss of jobs and recently epidemic losses of homes, my own included. War, terrorism, illness, lack of medical care, shortages of food and water; the list goes on and on. These adversities touch all our lives. We all struggle to one extent or another with unprecedented stress. Is it accurate to say genuine happiness and beauty in the midst of these overwhelming challenges has become as rare as the appearance of the Fairy Godmother? Many of us are preoccupied with the struggle to survive the painful and impoverished times we live in.
But wait! Even in this chaos there is a path to happiness. Creating beauty and positive outcomes in the midst of turmoil is at the heart of the Fairy Godmother’s teachings. The Fairy Godmother is, in her own way, a transcendent, quintessential radical. Yes, her teachings are revolutionary. Awaken to the teachings of the Fairy Godmother and prepare yourself. You too may stumble into the realm of transcendent happiness.