Everyone likes to feel good. You don’t eat that piece of
chocolate cheese cake because it is good for you. You eat
it because for a few moments, you get to feel good.
That beer buzz while watching the ball game on the boob
tube does not add any value to your life, but it gives you
a feel good fix.
If you are honest with yourself about what motivates you
to do almost everything you do in life, you will discover
that you are looking for ways to feel good or to cover up
some basic sense of unease in your life.
Unfortunately, almost everything that most people do in
order to feel good is only a temporary fix. Whether you
are shooting a needle full of heroin up your arm or
shopping for that new pair of shoes or listening to some
motivational talk, or even reading this book, the feel
good feeling will soon pass and you will be left needing
that next hit. Sound familiar?
There is, however, a way to feel good more often and
more consistently without having to resort to these false
and, at times, even destructive ways of seeking pleasure.
In Chapter Two, I mentioned that your feelings can be
used as a kind of guidance system. When you are not
feeling good, you can use that as an indication that you
are not living your purpose and your passion; and,
instead of looking for some temporary fix that is really
only a distraction from your malaise, you can instead
look for the real solution, which is to become ever more
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self-actualized and on purpose with how you live your
life.
The ability to be happy is, to a large degree, dependent
upon the level of personal fulfillment you can achieve
from self-actualization.
A self-actualized person does not need to go looking for
things outside of themselves in order to feel good. They
know that happiness is available at any time, no matter
what external events and circumstances are occurring.
Self-actualization is not a destination; it is a continuous
process. Humans are ever more capable of learning, of
becoming more, of using more of their talents and skills,
of discovering new ways to express themselves.
Self-actualizing people have certain attributes that enable
them to experience greater levels of happiness. And, of
course, these are attributes that you can choose to take on
yourself.
I have listed here the top ten attributes of self-actualized
people for you to consider owning and practicing. If you
will work each day at taking these on in ever greater
implements, you will soon find yourself feeling good
about yourself, feeling good about how life is unfolding
for you and feeling good about what you are in the
process of becoming and creating.
1. Acceptance. Self-actualizing people have greater levels
of self-acceptance. They are not in denial about their
flaws and weaknesses and do not feel guilty about their
errors and omissions. Instead, they work at improving
their way of being.
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Self-actualizing people also are more accepting of others
and tend to recognize that the shortcomings they see in
other people are also, to some degree, present in
themselves.
2. Reverence. They have greater levels of self-esteem.
Even though they recognize and accept their own
imperfections, they honor themselves as being sacred
creatures and have an innate sense of respect for
themselves and their ideals.
Self-actualizing people also honor the sacredness of all
other people and of all creation. They recognize that, at
some essential level, they are connected to all things.
3. Perception. They have a clearer sense of what is
important and what is trivial. They are able to stand back
and look at themselves, their thoughts, beliefs, feelings
and their actions. They can be the observer as well as the
enactor.
Self-actualizing people are able to stand back from the
events and circumstances of life and see them for what
they are… transitory happenings that do not change the
greater reality which is the destiny they have set for
themselves.
4. Honesty. They don’t tend to hide behind some mask or
false identity. They are willing to be themselves in front
of other people and do not attempt to live up to the
expectations of other people.
Self-actualizing people also do not deceive themselves
about themselves or about the reasons for their actions.
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5. Individuality. They are not conformists. Although,
they may not appear to be non-conformists, they have
learned to think for themselves and have opted out of the
crowd mentality.
Self-actualizing people don’t accept other people’s
opinions or the news at face value. They recognize
propaganda when they see it and understand that they
must be vigilant in maintaining freedom of thought and
belief.
6. Commitment. They are committed to living a full and
meaningful life and know that by creating ideals and
setting specific goals, they are taking charge of and
honoring their own life.
Self-actualizing people are also committed to making a
difference in the lives of others through the contributions
that they make by their creativity and commitment.
7. Motivation. They are self-motivated and do not need
to have constant outside stimuli in order to feel inspired
to take action. They use what they are passionate about
to motivate themselves.
Self-actualizing people are also motivating forces in other
people’s lives, often inspiring others to perform at higher
levels than they would normally. Their own passion
ignites a fire in other people.
8. Appreciation. They are grateful for all that life has to
offer. Problems become opportunities to grow.
Opportunities therefore abound. Obstacles become
challenges to gain power. Challenges produce rewards.
Rewards become blessings to celebrate. Blessings
multiply. Achievements become milestones on the
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continuous road to success. Milestones become the
legacy, the gift they leave behind for others to emulate or
to take inspiration from.
Self-actualizing people are also appreciative of the
contributions of others and express their gratitude, not
just verbally but by demonstrating their appreciation
through direct contribution to the other person’s life.
9. Mystical. They not only have a sense of the sacredness
of all things, including their own dreams and ambitions,
they have at times a mystical sense of unity with all other
people, with all things, with all of creation. This sense of
unity or peak mystical experience induces a sense of
wonder and a sense of personal power to be at cause.
Self-actualized people are often inspired to share those
mystical experiences with others because they have come
to know that this sense of unity with all things is the
greater reality than the day-to-day events and
circumstances of life.
10. Imagination. They are envisioneers. They practice
creative envisioneering because they know that the
creative power of the human mind is the source of all
wealth, happiness and personal power and fulfillment.
They are therefore very creative people.
Self-actualized people share their vision with other
people, not just to get them to assist in the actualization
of that vision; but also to teach through action that
everyone can be creative and can design a life of success,
constant growth and attainment.
So, if you want to feel good now and feel even better
tomorrow, instead of running off to the ice cream store
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for some extra chocolate or instead of turning on that
idiot box to watch some stupid comedy show or instead
of running off to some motivational seminar to hear some
motivational hyperactive speaker yelling “You can do it!”
or “Halleluiah!”; simply, but progressively, begin the process of becoming a self-actualized human being.
You’ll feel a lot better just making the decision to do that.
And each day that you work at it, you will feel better and
better.
If you really truly want to be happy, then you need to
know that true happiness is not to be found in having
more. There is no great happiness to be found in owning
more stuff, in having more money, in working your way
up the corporate ladder, even in accomplishing more.
The secret to true happiness is to be found in the process
of ever becoming more self-actualized and in the process
of discovering new and better ways to be a contribution.
The late, great Dr. Albert Schweitzer once said, “Success
is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to
success. If you love what you are doing, you will be
successful. I don't know what your destiny will be, but
one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will
be really happy are those who have sought and found
how to serve.”
So, now that you know the secret to feeling good and the
secret to being happy, let’s go beyond that and talk about
how to experience joy and bliss. Wouldn’t you love to
have a life filled with joy and bliss instead of unease and
dissatisfaction? Of course you would.
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The title of this chapter is called Follow Your Bliss. I
almost did not call it that. I thought about calling it
something else, like “Becoming Joyful”.
So many authors, coaches and speakers proffer the
advice first offered by Joseph Campbell to “follow your bliss”; and so many people take that advice to heart, but
are unable to discover what their bliss actually is and,
consequently, in the end, just end up being more
frustrated with themselves. I therefore seriously hesitated
to use this cliché. In the end, I decided to use the title and
provide you with some real ways to discover your bliss
and to feel joyful.
I cannot tell you what your bliss is; neither can anyone
else. That is your job. Only you know that secret passion
that your soul holds. Only you can know what gives you
joy. Only you know what will light up your life and
inspire you to greet each day with a joyous expression of
gratitude for the opportunity to play yet another day in
this wondrous game called “life on planet earth”; the
place in space and time where you get to create, to
experience and to share the awesome uniqueness that is
you.
While I cannot tell you what your bliss is, perhaps I can
help you discover it.
Before we look at how you can discover your bliss, let’s
take a look at what will happen to you when you begin to
follow your bliss.
You will experience a clarity of vision like never before. It
will seem as if you had just come out of a cloud bank and
into a bright sunny day. The path before you shines
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clearly and any doubt about what direction you are
heading fades away like the fog.
You will experience a sense of timelessness. You will feel
totally present in each moment and each moment will be
the perfect moment. You will be in the flow like an
athlete who is experiencing a peak performance moment.
You will experience being in the right place at the right
time and synchronicities will happen like never before.
The resources, the ideas, the people you need will just
show up as if by magic.
You will experience an expression of your talents like
never before. People will be amazed at the wonderful
things you are able to express and are able to accomplish.
You will become charismatic and you will take on an
aura of purpose and success. Other people will know that
you know what you are about.
You will become more insightful, more intuitive and
ideas will come to you as if your mind is on fire.
Inspiration will bloom in your mind and your heart will
overflow with a feeling of joy.
You will be in love.
That is the place you want to be. You can sense that it is
available to you. You’ve been there before. Perhaps not
since you were a child, but the residual, cellular memory
is still there and it resonates with you. That feeling of
bliss is still there for you to rediscover and to follow.
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Take a good, long and honest look into your heart and
discover what inspires you and what cranks up your
passion level. Once you have found that essential truth
about yourself, you can go about living a life of purpose
and meaning and you will feel good, perhaps even be
joyful, most moments of most days.
You may have to go back to your childhood to find that
inner place where your secret passion resides. Most
adults have suppressed their deep inner desires and
passions in order to do what they have thought as
necessary in order to survive and prosper in life.
Perhaps, as an adult, you did find something or way of
being that gave you that greater sense of meaning and
passion, but you did not allow yourself to pursue it
because logic or conditioning told you that it was not
practical. Go back and find it. Follow the thread of your
innermost feelings.
You have unique talents and skills, a unique perspective,
unique contributions to make and a unique way of being
in the world. Why then, would you allow yourself to be
just another cog in the machine? Be you!
Being the real you will produce the bliss. What is the real
you? Only your own heart can answer that. Look deep
into your heart and find your soul’s longing. Then follow
that.
And, living in a state of profound gratitude and
appreciation will produce joy. Learn to see all things as
being sacred. All things include you and your ideals,
hopes, dreams and ambitions. They are a measure of
your own sacredness and your own divinity. Claim
them.
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Quick Review:
You will feel good when you are following your bliss,
living your passion and being on purpose.
Don’t look for that feel good feeling in useless
distractions. Look instead to become an intentional
person who is on the path to becoming more, enacting
more and achieving more. Settle for more.
Direct Action Steps:
Begin today to start taking on the attributes of self-
actualizing people.
Make it your daily task to
consciously and intentionally work towards becoming
ever more self-actualized.
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“Self-actualizing people, those who have come to a
high level of maturation, health and self-fulfillment,
have so much to teach us that sometimes they seem
almost like a different breed of human beings.”
~ Abraham Maslow
“What good is a road map with a destination clearly
marked if you do not know where you are starting
from? And, of what purpose is the desire to become
more if you do not understand who you are already?”
~ Leslie Fieger
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