Chapter 19
“Charlotte; the doctor is here. She says its time for your surgery.” Samuel looked up at Tom. His smile then faded and I was officially scared. But Samuel looked back at me and smiled. “I’ll be right here when you get back. Promise. You’ll be fine.” I nodded. Samuel let go of my hand and stepped out of the way as the doctor’s aids rolled me and my bed out of the room and down the hall. I closed my eyes tightly, thinking of every good memory I could.
I wasn’t so much as scared about the surgery, but what comes after it. And about Samuel having…cancer. I’ll be okay. I had really bad near-death experiences before. I think I can handle anything else. Samuel will be fine. He won’t die. Fate won’t let that happen. I’ll be okay. Nothing bad will happen to me. I’ll be home before I know it. Everything will be back to normal. I’ll be perfectly happy. Perfectly happy. Those words caught me. I was happy. Happy without Stephen. Happy with my life.
I never realized until now that I blamed everything on my father and it caused me to not see clearly. It wasn’t my father’s fault for how our lives had become. Sure; he left. I’m not sure if that was for a good reason or not, but how our lives turned out after that-how horrible they were-had nothing to do with him. And our lives are better. Better than most people’s. For once in my life, I wasn’t angry with him, or myself.
Death happens everyday. You have to deal with it. I should be happy that I have people who love me. And I have the love of my life beside me. Tom is still here for me and will always be here. He’s my big brother. I still have friends; like Erika. My life is great; and I didn’t even realize it. I do now, but I think its too late. I hope that I can live past this. But, I’m about to go into surgery. The doctor’s aid gave me something to make me unconscious. After a minute or two, I fell a sleep; unaware of everything around me.
I woke up with a blurry vision, but I instantly recognized Samuel. I smiled-or at least I thought I did. Samuel smiled and said something, but I couldn’t understand what he said. I only saw his lips move-and again, my vision isn’t the best right now. I tried to speak, but my voice was no longer mine. It had left me when I needed it the most. But; doesn’t everybody’s? Samuel touched my forehead, but I couldn’t feel anything. I was too numb.
I wondered what they did to me during surgery. I felt so groggy. I just wanted to go back to sleep; or better yet, be unconscious. I closed my eyes. Then, I heard Samuel’s voice. “Char? Did You hear me?” I shook my head the best I could, but it didn’t seem like much. He stared at me and started to talk about how much he was sorry. Of course I wanted to hear his apology (I’ve wanted to hear it for a while now) but I lost interest.
My eyes were closed and, eventually, I dozed off. I didn’t have a dream nor a nightmare. Nothing was in my head while I was sleeping. I thought maybe I was unconscious again-or maybe even dead. But, I did wake up. I don’t know how long I was sleeping, but it seemed like quite a while.
I think it was too long Samuel and Stephen weren’t there and there hadn’t seemed like many people were here. Nighttime. It’s the only explanation. My throat felt like there was a canon ball lodged in it. I tasted a metallic taste. It was horrible. I made a gesture of drinking to Tom and he eventually called for some water. I pretty much finished the whole bottle before even stopping for air.
After a minute or two, I asked, “What time is it?”
“Its 8:19. You slept quite a lot. How are you feeling?” He smiled his easy-going, careful smile. I smiled back and nodded my head.
“Ya. My head hurts.” I paused, not knowing how to ask the questions I had deep inside me. “Do-do you know what they…did on me? You know; from the surgery?”
Tom sighed and stayed silent for a moment. “I’m sorry. They never shared that information. Not sure if they will.” This time he paused.
“They said it went really well, so nothing to worry about so far, but you’ll be here for about a week. They really want you to get a lot of rest and make sure you’re okay…”
He completely stopped after that. I’m guessing he didn’t want to go on, or there was nothing more to say. I, myself didn’t know how to respond. I closed my eyes again feeling a headache coming on. I felt a sudden pain in my left arm and quickly turned my head. An IV… I actually, truthfully never had one before. It felt weird and it hurt.
It was for nutrients-as Tom had explained-and it felt as if my veins would burst open. GROSS! I fell back asleep about ten minutes later. I have never been this tired since I was probably about six. Running around so much and sleeping like a dog the next day. And that night, I hadn’t woke up until around 10:30 in the morning. Probably the longest time I have ever slept. Okay…maybe that’s a little exaggeration; but its not that big of a one.
When I woke up that morning, Samuel and-sadly-Stephen was back. I was glad to see Samuel doing well. Even though I was the one in the hospital bed after surgery; he was still the one with cancer and he was suffering from it. Ya, I know that was an exaggeration, too, but-again-it wasn’t that big.
“Hey…how are you doing?” Samuel smiled, but I could tell that he had too much on his mind that he wanted to say. He knew that its not the best time to discuss what is reeling through his head.
I smiled and sighed. “I’m okay. Tired and my body aches. Nothing new, though.”
His smile faded and he nodded. He took my hand in his and stared at it-probably to not see the pain in my eyes. He didn’t say anything. My stomach tightened and after a minute, I realized that my jaw was clenched so tight. I tried to unclench my jaw, but it tightened again automatically a moment later.