He started talking about him and I getting together relieving all my stress. I asked him where Ratanal's boyfriend lived. I followed him there dumped them both off. I made sure they both got into the house safely made them help each other so they would be too busy to notice me haul ass.
I told Micky if you haven't already seen enough out of alcohol cigarettes and drugs then take a good look at them before we leave this is alcohol cigarettes meth heroine and their affects when combined a lethal deadly combination. I stayed with Billy every minute I could for months leaving only to go shower, feed the dog, feed Micky and return.
Micky usually stayed at the hospital with me. I wanted to be the first person he looked at when he comes out of it. I thought it would be best if the first person he saw was who he loved trusted the most. I know he's going to be so scared when he starts waking up looking around at all the IVs and tubes.
He would either know his worse nightmare had come true or he would think he was dying. At any rate I wanted to be there to comfort help him through this. This man I thought is not worthy of this kind of love devotion from me I don't have to be like him. I had to find a way in my heart to love this man so he can dye happy.
I went home the night before they were going to try to wake him. I called his mom and sisters told them everything what a mistake that was. Remember I said; "She swore to get even with me for telling on her boyfriend? Pops they called him for trying to have sex with me?"
I don't know if I told that delicious little story or not. Billy's sister Dixie and I used to work for Pops on the side doing landscaping after we got off from our normal jobs. Pops likes to lick the sweat from under Dixie's tits and armpits. She had size 40 D's! One day after a hard days work he cornered me in their bedroom.
He pushed me on the bed started licking all over my vagina he wanted to have oral sex. I pushed him off me. He showed me two huge bags one with my panties one with my bandanas he stole from me he was sniffing. When I told on him I was the total outcast. Oh well I was all alone anyway.
Billy's mom started sucking up to me right away we started talking civil to each other. She wanted me to take digital pictures every day call her every day. I wasn't ready for a high phone bill like this. Micky thought long distance was free calling friends in California and a boy on the Internet from Louisiana which she was obsessed over she met on the Internet in chat-rooms.
Billy had no clothes he owns a few things which he's worn since I've known him. The stench of his clothes would knock you down. I bought him a sweat suit with matching shorts, hoody and sweatshirt. That broke me I had no more money. Gary finally started visiting him he had not woke up yet.
When he did start waking up it was really slow took hours on end for him to finally respond to anything. He finally started squeezing my hand he was still in restraints he got violent on them at first. They were scared he would get violent when he wakes up.
The looks and expressions each time he tried to look around were of horror confusion bringing back memories of all the times I woke like this. For me no one was there yet someone was there who cared deeply will never do me wrong why didn't I see HIM then? He finally tried to say something he said; "Am I dying?" I didn't want to tell him the truth not right now.
I told him no baby your just seriously sick the huge lump did turn out to be cancer also had double pneumonia in both lungs his throat had totally closed off. They could not get cameras back into his stomach through his throat wasn't looking good.
At times I was thinking what am I doing there is nothing in that hospital bed for me there's only a dead man it's a matter of time. I was willing to make him a happy man if for only a brief moment love him be faithful take care of him if it came to that.
Fight thoughts of pulling the plug pinching the tubes putting something foreign in his mouth maybe something will fall into his mouth you know take care of him. After a couple months he was seriously skinny I kept telling him and his mom he was looking better every day. That lump in his throat was getting bigger he lived only for the next pain medication.
His mom told him we made friends. Trust me on this one none of this shit was true I was not falling for his mom's friendship bullshit nor was I going to do any type of happily ever after with his nasty ass fuck that shit Kiss My Ass I wanted his money period. They moved him out of the ICU.
Still in intensive care and isolation for open bacteria and germs mostly the chocolate he wanted to taste chocolate before he died so I gave him some I don't give a fuck. I was still driving downtown to the disbursement unit looking for that check. They finally told me they made the check out to Billy at his request it was being sent to his address.
Billy said; "He would give it to us if it came in," but this was not his intentions. Jesus' intentions were different than everyone expected. Billy was now able to sit up a little at a time to write notes communicate a little. The hospital Social Services called me they started paperwork procedures per doc's orders on Billy to receive SSI disability.
I was told Micky would receive benefits till she was 18 if they lived together. I was thinking of how to get him a decent check every month so he would not be living off of me. If he lived with me whether we were married or not he would get the entire thing.
I was going to give it to him. Him and I were talking of how he would not have any more pain he won't have to work and can now go fishing without that pain all the time. They were taking all his teeth out cleaning him up. We talked of how Micky and him would now get along better. We talked a lot about getting remarried.
Everyday he asked how the paper work was coming along. I was willing to tell him whatever he wanted to hear to let him be happy. I was working on getting all of his W- 2 forms together from over the years he had not filed in many years. I was going to file them in turbo tax over the net direct deposit it for him. I was getting his SSI medicaid taken care of.
I was also getting his tag turned in so he wouldn't lose his license and getting his birth certificate so I could get all this accomplished for him. I needed power of attorney I thought was told I would. I needed it to cash the check when it came in and for all the paper work. Come to find out I didn't need it at all it caused tons of problems working with a notary.
I made up something to tell Louis, Billy's mom that would tell me everything she would either go off the deep end or be happy sincere go along with it all. I told her I paid someone to come to the hospital sign over all the paperwork to me and remarry us too. I acted all excited anxious to get started let's get this done eehaw!
I was right she went off the deep end yelling at me telling me there is no way I'm going to remarry her son she won't let this happen. She will talk with Billy make him understand he can't marry you just do what I tell you to do. You have to get this stupid marriage out of your head your going to come to your senses and let Maloney handle all this let her cash that check too.
This told me what I needed to know. I couldn't continue paying to drive there everyday I was too upset confused and hurt to go see him I also got bad sick my back went out. I took a few days off from visiting Billy. It was also emotionally draining seeing him like this every day knowing he's getting worse. I'm the only one that knows he's dying how bad he is.
These other characters have not been there they just met recently. His mom, family nor Sherry have been with him all these years nor is going to come see him die. I'm the only one that can see death coming for him. His mom is too far away to see this death in him. Billy sent Gary over to see if there was another man in my house he accused me of being with another man.
Gary dropped the check off to him earlier was baiting me. They wanted to see what I would do. Gary backed me into my kitchen sink tried to kiss me then tried to get my blouse off. I put the baseball bat to his chest gave a little push told him I don't trust anyone leave or I'll use it! He told me Billy had the check.
His mom and him both said; "I was looking for money out of all this." I was ONLY trying to get Billy and Micky some money NOT take it. He's always taken it from me for goodness sake that check would be used for all of us although it was back pay on child support that got held up I didn't have to share it with anyone if I didn't want to. That was to help support Micky.
I went there and talked with Billy for awhile now get this he signed handed over the check to me. Now remember none of the parties mentioned or involved including me knows whatever is happening on either side. I didn't know what they were doing to me and they didn't know how much I had caught onto which wasn't much at that point.
When they all found out about the check being in my hands the phone was ringing off the hook. His mom ordered me to take it back to Billy let Maloney cash it everyone gets what Billy promised them let him give you what is left. Maloney kept calling saying the same thing imagine that. Still not quite knowing what was going on I went to see Billy.
By this time everyone convinced him of what a big mistake he made. He told me to give him the check all his paper work Maloney could handle everything. I always helped Billy with his paperwork income tax get his license his insurance for the vehicle I even pushed him to get insurance on himself.
I accomplished everything without power of attorney or the help of a notary or anyone. I didn't realize this at the time. Gary had a friend, Melony he said; "She would help with the paper work she was a notary." First night I met her she was demanding and bossy. We met at Denny's to talk. This was the wrong place to meet me at to begin with.
She said; "I needed to turn all the paperwork over to her let her handle it all." I guess a traveling notary gets a little cash for their services I wasn't willing to let her take over where I was doing fine. I only needed her to sign the power of attorney over to me she didn't have power of attorney he didn't sign shit over to her.
She refused said; "She would not help me unless I gave her all the paperwork let her handle everything." I thanked her for her time and left. I was fucking with her dumb ass. Gary and Maloney had been talking with Billy's mother I wasn't aware of any of this. They were all three talking about how they could get me out of Billy's life away from his money what money?
They started planning things behind my back. Billy's stupidity was kicking in again he was listening to them. Including Billy's mother they were telling him I was only in for the money Maloney can get things done. Billy was not comprehending I already had things done. Maloney said; "If I didn't do things her way she wasn't going to help at all." I said; "Fine I don't need you."
I didn't know they were all in constant contact with each other. The money they were referring to was that stupid little child support check. See where greed raised it's ugly head? It became an outright war over this small amount of money which was owed to Micky.
Lois, Billy's mom was talking Maloney, Gary and Billy into getting all his paperwork away from me sign over power of attorney to one of them. I didn't know till later the money was not all that was the issue. The other issue was I could not give up on Billy. I could not take another human's life lose my salvation even if I wanted to.
Billy wanted them to pull the plug then cremate him get it all over with. If there was any other money I was not aware of it at the time. Maloney was stalking me calling all day everyday standing in front of the hospital waiting for me to get there everyday. She didn't know it was Micky she had been talking with all along on the phone not an adult.
Micky was giving her a run for her money too. She kept telling me I need to turn all the paperwork over to her almost forcing me everyday telling me I'm obnoxious. His mom was constantly telling me I needed to give her all the paperwork. I had not caught onto to the total picture of what was going on yet.
I was thinking I was helping Billy protecting the only thing he owned in the world which was his newly acquired birth certificate and driver's license which I helped him get. I thought we were remarrying it only made sense that since he was coming to live with me I do the paperwork. Why would any woman want to go after a man for a petty SSI check?
What was really going on Billy knew Gary had the check. Dave thought he was getting SSI on him and Micky getting money from his tag and income tax. He didn't know all this took time. He thought he was getting all this NOW. What was happening without my knowledge was greed was rearing it's ugly head remember I mentioned this earlier.
Billy promised his mom a couple hundred Maloney a small chunk for her services of pulling the plug and Gary back rent and future rent. He planned on paying all this with the back pay on child support he so cleverly got put in his name and sent to Gary's/his address. Billy signed over power of attorney to someone I didn't know who it wasn't till later I learned it was Melony.
They were all playing on Billy's stupidity and hollow promises feeding off each other's greed. How I started catching on that something wasn't right I asked his mom why does Maloney get information on Billy. She said; "Maybe they are doing something you don't need to know about." I still didn't have a clear picture of everything.
I started throwing his paper work every where all over Billy separating his from mine and Micky's. He told me to stop being this way. All this time the tablet of paper he had been using to write notes in he was protecting it. He did not want them nor me to see what he was writing to me he didn't want me to see what he was writing to them.
Every time anyone touches his notepad he jerks it away from them. I try to help him get a clean sheet of paper on it to write on he jerks it back all the time. For months now he's been writing notes to everyone. I was thinking there must be a lot of information right there on that notepad. I waited till his medication kicked in he drifted off.
I took the note pad outside to the back of the hospital sat at a picnic table started reading. Micky was sitting by his side during all this. I didn't know till Micky told me later Maloney had been sitting there with them the entire time while I was in the back of the hospital reading the notes Billy had been writing protecting for so long.
Micky knew what I was doing wouldn't for the world tell them no one knew where I was. Maloney eventually gave up on me coming back and left. There were notes from day one since he woke up and came into the hospital which was almost three months ago at this point excluding the ones he allowed me to take to the house. What I was reading dropped my mouth open.
I sat there for a couple of hours reading thinking crying trying to sort all this out make sense of it. There was no sense to make it was clear. I read a little tried putting the pieces together there were references to Maloney and Gary giving phone numbers to his mom and sister, notes to Maloney about signing over power of attorney to Gary was tricking me.
I was supposed to think he was signing it over to Maloney they thought this would throw me off. Beyond power of attorney everything including death and funeral expenses along with his ashes would go back to good ole mom. Burial expenses and his care during the period of time before his death during and after goes back to dear ole mom.
None of this was taken into consideration while they did their scheming and planning. If there was any money to be had anywhere it would go to his son or daughter only under the age of 18. I read how he said; "All I talked about was money." That's all he talked about too.
That's all we had in common at this point the only subject I could come up with other than the blue sky out the window. What do you say talk about or plan with a dying man other than your soul needs to be right with Jesus and His Dad before you take that last breath get with Him! He wrote of how they would all watch me put my foot in my mouth.
Billy wrote of how he would call the law force me to hand over the paperwork and his I.D. How he would call the law on me get Jackie back for Gary. How they were tricking me. Hurt and crying I was thinking hard of everything I just read went to get Micky. She was coming out telling me Maloney was still there.
I went home holding back tears that forced their way. I put his ID and paper work together along with the notes of his I had been taking home from the tablet which had all the communications as well as mine on it along with all the cards from his mother and sisters put them in an envelope then took them to him.
I looked him in his face dead square in his eyes I didn't want to miss one expression. I wanted to be sure positive he was alert paying attention. I said; "You are the NON custodial parent. I AM the custodial parent. You LOST ALL paternal and parental rights. You can NOT draw nor claim SSI disability income tax or anything on Micky unless you are living under my roof."
I also said; "Since you have decided by signing power of attorney over to strangers I'm assuming you don't want to live under my roof therefore you can get nothing off Micky. All you get now is your petty part. I was trying to help you, but you are a fucking idiot." I handed him his paperwork that intense look of attention hanging onto every word.
His eyes wider more sunk in than I had ever seen them straining with awe mouth wide open I said; "Was it worth it all? All our life together you have fucked over me. Now you wanted to get right with me? I'm not the one you need to get right with. Before you take that last breath get right with God." He did not expect either side to budge.
He thought he could wash one hand without the other knowing, cake and eat it too syndrome. He surely didn't expect to lose a good woman a wife possible sex before death his kid a home with love and no strings. His last chance in life to be with a woman. His last chance for a happily ever for him the after.
It was him all these years trying to destroy me turning on me setting me up kicking me out dating other women waitresses and Sherry snitching on me stealing from me. WHO and WHAT are they power of attorney over now? A dying cancer ridden alcoholic drugged out man who owns nothing?
A man that only a mother could love yet I was willing to because it was the right thing to do? They will dump him when they realize his hollow promises aren't even worthy of his signature. They moved him into a Nursing home they won't give me any information nor tell me where they took him and he can't talk to tell me. OH WELL.
He'll die alone a lonesome man a long hard painful death this man is dying. Over a year now since Billy came in on that stretcher. That hurt so deeply I cried, got more depressed and was becoming even more secluded isolating or protecting myself and Micky from the outside elements people and humans. For a couple of days he kept calling and tapping on the phone.
Micky was answering the phone. We both knew it was him she played it off was saying things to affect of mom someone's really fucking with us. Someone is doing prank calls. Billy was trying to tell us he was wrong please come see him before he dies.
Melony and Gregg had him taken to the nursing home was not going to tell me anything left orders to the hospital to not tell me anything. How fucked up is this shit after I, the wife and mother of his daughter has been there all along with this hospital staff from the beginning they are even turning on me doing what these people want.
Billy was more or less kidnapped taken to a nursing home where he would never see Micky or me again we were through with him and his fucked up family. Billy realized what they had done what he had done now they are going to pull the plug on Billy this is how Billy wanted it now he's wanting to get out of his final decision in life?
Remember when Billy and everyone turned me into the head of D.E.A.? Remember when my phone calls were blocked I couldn't talk to Micky anymore? Moving whores in kicking me out? Turning me into the law all the time so he could move whores in. It's like the song: "Living in Your Radio How Do You Like Me Now."
I just shake my head at it all pick my camel up again making sure no straws fell cuz me and my camel we earned them straws! I want all of them I earned every last one of them straws! I have that sneaky eerie little smile because I can gloat over how Jesus revealed everything my entire life how HE handled things when left in HIS powerful mysterious hands.
Gary came over today to get the book Billy's sister sent him the one we were accused of stealing. He also said; "Billy wanted to know if I had his income tax." I told him I have not gotten anything I don't know anything. Tell Billy he is a fool he could have a good woman a family before he dies.
Gary said; "They are going to try to cut the huge cancer out since radiology had no positive results." I said; "You know if they cut a knife touches it will spread like fire." Gary said; "It has already started to spread there are two or three new cancer cyst in his throat. They are moving up his neck and down his back."
I didn't have the heart to tell Gary all Billy's mail still comes here so I know exactly what is going on with him medically. He has quite a bill racked up. His insurance refused payment a long time ago. Gary thought I didn't know Billy had been moved. Everything has been denied. I was putting in applications for work everywhere. I was hired at a few restaurants.
I stopped in at Mr. Aloma's for shits and giggles filled out an application. I even put funny stuff on the application and was hired back. Micky and I went to see Billy the day before they moved him during the night. I'm going fishing. Six month or so later I was told I could apply for death benefits for Micky and me.
I went to get Billy's death certificate found out all the missing information. He signed over power of attorney to Maloney. She agreed to pull the plug take Billy's life. He died at 2 a.m. in the morning D.O.A. Dead on arrival. He died on the way to the nursing home. He always said; "He would not live on machines do chemotherapy or live in a nursing home."
I guess he meant it. Maloney, Gary nor Lois his mother got anything, but his ashes and the bills for it all. There were phone calls for a little while someone was tapping on the other end. I knew it was Billy trying to get us back one last time I kept pretending it was a prank phone call and hang up on him. He made that bed let him lie in or die in it.
I took some friend of mine's advice and applied for death benefits for Micky and me from her dad's SSI. I was thinking it couldn't be much every little bit helped. A month or so passed we were both approved for benefits. $4,000.00 back pay now $4,000.00 six months from now.
I was approved for surviving mother's death benefits of $675.00 per month and Micky was approved for $675.00 per month. I felt the Lord was somehow giving me the means of publishing this book since all the publishers I had researched on the Internet wanted right around $400.00 to $600.00.
I plan on researching more to maybe find someone first who will do it on consignment or something similar. I need so much work done on this house I might not end up with anything for the book. We have no kitchen sink it fell in along with the cabinets and floor. We were doing dishes in a big tub I bought outside with the hose. Her bathroom is totally going to the ground.
All the plumbing from the inside to the underneath going to the septic the field are destroyed. Most of the rooms still don't have floors. It needs either tons of kilz and paint and or siding. Sometimes I think the overwhelming troubles we have in life are something I'm going to have to live with forever.
The stove we have has shorts in all the burners all that is good on it is the oven. Our sink kept falling apart along with all the plumbing all the cabinets fell down. None of the rooms had real floors in them what was there was particle board. In 10 rooms I had to strip that up and lay two layers of plywood and stronger glue than what comes on tiles in most of the house.
The walls well there were no walls nor insulation. I had to do this in every room too. Then of course the molding facings doors for every room trim work carpet etc. I haven't talked about the outside yet. Everything that could go wrong with a vehicle went wrong with this truck.
The break lines ac belts flat tires transmission and muffler which had to have special parts ordered from out of the country. This blue Dodge Dakota truck is costing a fortune yet I felt we would be together for many years so I named him Ole' Blue.
We didn't have any air conditioning no lawn mower no beds the first $4,000.00 went fast getting everything we needed it didn't go very far. As you can see if the Lord was giving me the means to publish this book here I sit still writing haven't the resources to do it with once again.
Even with working this house cost so much to try to fix up as you people know it's expensive to clothe and feed a kid I was still not getting anything accomplished. The job was extra money and helped tremendously, but was short lived once again. The rule was when I started receiving the SSI I was to work no more than 20 hours per week.
I was already into a month of drawing SSI still working 40-50 hours per week. I kept telling them they were going to make me lose the SSI. It was the night before the fourth of July I was right at 40 hours. I still had 8 more to go for that night which would put me at 48 hours 8 hours overtime.
Mr. Aloma's family which are all Iranians work in all his restaurants as managers are mean, mean, mean. They talk down to you yell at you belittle you. I've told you of a few tales of what happened in the past with some of his family. Well this one Mr. Allmouth is his cousin. We have had many arguments and disagreements.
Before I walked in the door he started yelling at me telling me I was going to work a double the next day on the Fourth of July. That would be 16-18 more hours on top of 48 would be 65-67 hours. I told them I would think about it during the night. I had every intention of telling him yes. They didn't care about the SSI rules I believed they could fix it.
It's overworking me that is the problem nor do they care if I lost it nor do they care how much they over work their employees nor do they care about our lives feelings or circumstances. I have never had a holiday off before I had a chance to have the fourth of July off. I went to the break room to put my hair up to go on the line he followed me back there.
I had been talking with him and Franky a server and one of the cooks gaining whatever knowledge I could about computers. I did learn some stuff found some stuff they told me to be wrong. They had a computer both of them tried to get the computer to work and failed.
I took the computer home in one night got it running took it back in to work showed them all then out of no where Mr. Allmouth told me I was a piece of shit on computers. He said; "Don't come in here all cocky with me about computers. You know nothing I know everything I have a card a degree your a piece of shit." I didn't think all that was called for.
He had no right to talk down to me at any point which he did every day all day. Later he really showed his ass. I like to try to make work fun for everyone. It's a really hard long stressful job. I brought some bumper stickers the store near me always gets the newest ones before anyone else. I had a couple that were for him.
I think he took offense when everyone was dying laughing at them picking some out for themselves I said; "Quick hide them here comes Allmouth." Allmouth misunderstood I think his feelings might have even been hurt a little would not admit it thinking we were all having fun on his time at his expense.
He grabbed them out of everyone's hands threw them at me in his Iranian accent said; "You no bringa toys to school you no bringa toys to work. Who gave any of you permission to have fun?" I said; "I've seen a lot of managers have fun with us what's up with that?" He went off on me I had enough of all this.
He told me if I didn't agree to work the double the next day I couldn't work there anymore. I made the line pull cleaned it up set it up for the bar rush walked out on them again. Now they won't hire me back at all under no circumstances.
Even though it's cutting my nose off I still think I should pat myself on the back for having the balls to walk on all these restaurants when they are mean to us lie on us yell at us harass us etc...How many camel straws are we aloud in life? Isn't there some limit? Since the house was so cheap lot rent wasn't bad I could survive on what little SSI we were getting.
Billy didn't know neither did I that he would be taking care of us after he died. His mom would shit if she knew. He couldn't do it while living, but can after death. If it's only for a short period I pray I don't waste the time He has thrown in my lap to get this done. It could mean the difference of whether I have to go back to being mistreated in restaurants ever again.
I think about it all I get sad depressed about Billy. I think of how it seems to have been the Lord justice judgement or just plain irony. Billy died the way he lived in the aspect of alcohol drug abuse using and abusing women what he said about not even God was worth quitting drinking for.
I told him before he died he needs to make that right between him and God before he takes his last breath. Micky has dealt with a lot of issues in life already. She learned first hand about most all drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.
She watched her mom be the biggest dealer in the area then watched her own dad's family and friends turn on mom with the head of D.E.A. She watched the law drag me off. She has had two pairs of glasses a year plus her major surgery. She has been without any family on either sides of the family.
She was watching her dad die all year of alcoholism, cancer, cigarettes, drugs, crack, bad meth and double pneumonia. She hasn't gone to school, but a few days in the last couple of years. We have been going through truancy courts shelters and threats to pick me up and separate us. The other kids give her a hard time she also says, "The work is overwhelming."
She's a night owl and says, "The