He sent me a very lengthy letter explaining how he feels about me how he would like to go about creating a relationship with me. The deal is I have three days off from Micky it's now or never to get laid. I got three days this guy didn't know I was on a time limit. I had been crying all this time I was thinking no one would ever want me.
I started evaluating everything I could change about me what could I do to improve my looks attitude get a new appearance and approach to the situation. Why would he leave why wouldn't he stay spend time with me? Many times during my life I've always said; "I was meant for Jesus only."
How can this be I've gone through life without any support love or affection from anyone any man woman family or children. Still go for the remainder of my life never to experience a man's arms around me a man's affection asking someone to like me would be an imposition on other humans.
In between his phone calls Charlotte kept calling talking forever about she's bringing this guy down to meet me. Continually saying, "I think you two would be perfect for each other he needs $10.00 please buy this bag of pot from him even if you don't want it."
I was in deep depression wandering how I've came to this mess I can make my pity party worse than it is by bringing up everything bad from the past add it on to the present and future. I tried explaining to Charlotte make her understand I don't ever want anything to do with any man.
I'm through trying and looking, praying, crying, trusting and hoping for Mr. Perfect cuz Mr. P. is not out there. I told her I was in no shape emotionally for company please leave me alone. I felt like Otis Redding personally betrayed me by dying leaving behind unfinished fantasies of him singing "On the Dock of the Bay" to me forever.
I'm driving around in rich neighborhoods they throw away treasures, good stuff, metal we can sell for cash, clothes and shoes gently worn, toys poor people can't afford, building materials and materials saves us money, furniture barely used, one time a knife set, grills, a gun cabinet with it's key attached. One person's trash is another person's treasures.
Probably a lifetime of good people family and friends sticking by them money for college good careers no one robbing them no going through life spending time in jails and prisons time and again losing it all starting all over again replacing everything in life all the court cost fines time lost material things gathered in marriages they get to keep didn't go down wrong roads.
I pray rich or poor we all end up in Eternity. Charlotte was banging in my front door with her son. Remember I mentioned Charlotte's son is a burn victim his entire body below his head is burned scarred for life. I had a huge collection literally hundreds of action figures mint in box.
There were the X-Men collection Kiss, Harry Potter, WW Wrestling, Batman, Super Man, Spider man, Wrestle mania, Zorro, Tarzan, Power Rangers. Not just one set of each collection there were 4 of each set of characters. Charlotte and her son was carrying on loud confusing her son was standing with his eyes the biggest they probably ever would be.
He loved action figures I had the ultimate collection he was so excited naming off everything he saw. He was saying, "If I had even one of these I would hang it on my wall and never take it out of the box and would be so proud of it." This years bike run with mayor Buddy Dyer was for children who were burn victims. I knew about it I was right behind them following them.
Charlotte's boyfriend Mathew rode his Harley in the run. The man she was trying to introduce me to was in that toy run I was right behind him in Ole' Blue. He was one of the last Bikers riding on his Harley in the toy run with Buddy Dyer. Charlotte was running her mouth about how I should give her son just one action figure she kept begging giving me sob stories.
This tall guy with white hair sticking out around the edges of his dew rag a hat on top of came with her was sitting on the edge of my bed. He threw the bag of pot down and said; "Smell it look at it tell me if you want it." I was still thinking keep your stinking bag of pot I've got a pound and can get more why should I buy your dime bag?
It was confusing trying to talk he was rambling on the same time Charlotte and her son were. Sitting in front of my computer silently letting tears flow wandering what I had done so terrible in life for my life to be like it is still alone. A couple years ago I traded my camel for a 95 Dodge Dakota extended cab long bed dark blue truck. Ole' Blue.
I can load straws dump them load again cuz the straws on that poor camel's back were never ending will eventually kill my camel he insist on carrying them alone. Charlotte finally introduced us they were all talking excitedly at the same time.
I was so discouraged depressed broken numb wishing they would all shut up go away I was so sad the last thing I wanted was loud company. I was still dressed in the cute little outfit I had worn for the meeting with Kevin just hours before from Hot Topics. A white knitted half top with long sleeves flared cuffs.
I was trying to pay attention to what Mike was saying sounded like he was asking why I'm so sad what's so terrible. Charlotte and her son was drowning him out. He was trying to start up some kind of conversation they wasn't giving him a chance to talk. We kept trying to talk over them. I asked him if he wanted to smoke a joint with me. He said; "Yes."
I was being smart assed by pulling out a pound letting him know I don't need nor want your puny dime bag you people are interrupting my pity party. I want you all to go away I wouldn't even look in his face I was so depressed and sad. He didn't know quite what to talk about so he asked what the blue box attached to my computer was.
I was over this intrusion or invasion I wanted them all to leave. I was so aggravated angry depressed add few more emotions to throw in there for color. To be a real smart ass I had over 2,750 pictures naked or in lingerie in or out of public places such as the court house Steak-N-Shake Denny's highways tax office City Hall Antique shops risky public places.
I shoved in a zip disk where all my pictures are stored. When they came up I right clicked ran a slide show. His mouth dropped his eyes were huge he managed to get out a sentence. He said; WOW Your extremely sexy and cute why are you sitting here alone crying? I didn't feel like going through my entire life story with this guy it would take too long.
I closed my bedroom door so Charlotte's son would not see my pictures running across the screen of my computer so him and I could talk privately and smoke a joint I was thinking I'll get you for this Charlotte trying to ignore them. He said; "I guess you made a fool out of me with pictures and pot." I said; "I told her I didn't need nor want anything or anyone."
He said; "What has made you this angry? Your house is all black outside and all black inside why are you hiding why this sad." I managed through silent tears to tell him about Micky and my last encounters and about the guy on the Internet. Betty the manager of the park gives me an eviction notice at least twice a week.
Either my trailer, fence and shed are black or the dog barked, but it's not D.T. it's the dog across the way or the trash cans were left out. We started smoking the joint to break the ice. Still watching my slide show he kept saying, "What man in their right mind would leave? Your perfect appearance wise they had to be stupid to give you up. You seem so sweet."
He started rattling off a few of his last relationships and where he was at now which was alone. He was interesting enough to hold my attention. I was so stupid I wasn't catching on he wasn't telling me about past relationships that are over he was telling me about ongoing relationships with crack head whores, drug addict alcoholics throughout his life.
He had just pulled his long dong dick out of four alcoholic crack head's pussies just before he came to see me. I didn't know nor catch on at that moment. Charlotte and her son were still in the other parts of the house still begging for all the toys dolls and action figures getting obnoxious. I can't stand being around a lot of people.
Charlotte has always been a pushy loud mouth obnoxious pill popping idiot. She used to be a server at the Semeron Denny's Mr. Aloma fired her she was begging customers for money for drugs and alcohol. Mr. Aloma hates to fire anyone he collects good employees. Mike was a biker rides in the charity toy runs. I remember seeing him in the last bike run with Buddy Dyers.
Ole' Blue is a Harley biker type truck. He was the last biker I was in behind he had a teddy bear attached to a brand new shiny Harley Sportster. He had a doo rag on I could see his gorgeous white hair this was how I knew it was him plus it was the same bike I rode behind in the toy run. I asked him if he was busy if he wanted to talk for awhile.
He said; "He has all the time in the world right now." I couldn't imagine why he had this kind of time on his hands. Doesn't he work? Red light! Didn't see that red light ran right the fuck past it. Is this another bum she's introducing me to? I had no idea what a nightmare this incubus was going to drag me through.
I didn't catch on the reason he had so much time on his hands he just got out of prison. Most of the women he fucked over in the past he JUST fucked them all they all JUST now found out they all JUST put the same dick in their pussies I was JUST a way out at that moment. I didn't know from here on in beer and pot was on me.
Holy shit I'm glad I bought Ole' Blue to haul this shit ton of straw my camel ran off on this one. He could tell, but didn't understand why I was so upset about what happened with Kevin and he already said; "He was alone." Just then that new song: "Falling to Pieces" came on while it was playing I was crying getting into the song it was just how both of us were feeling.
He was feeding into my depression I didn't know this was an emotional scam. I stopped crying looked into his face to see what he looked like. Remember I said; "I had not looked up the entire time so far." Oh my gosh he's gorgeous. I thought I've heard everything, but Mike was saying everything I needed to hear of course he would.
I got him to put his beer down I didn't know it was a miracle move getting him to put that beer down. I was looking for that special hold special feeling only the right man will give. I wrapped my legs around his waist straddled him put my arms around his neck. He immediately was wrapping huge arms and hands all around me.
I'm not sure exactly what did happen at that moment I melted we clicked fit each other mind soul and body. This clicking thing was one of the cute things he says. That should have been my sign RED LIGHT still didn't see it coming. He was feeding into enabling my depression copying my situation from there on I couldn't get rid of him.
I knew nothing about him, but felt he should be in my life for what reasons I wasn't sure. Mike holding me was strongly intense, but was it only me or both of us? I'll never know that only Jesus knows this. Loneliness horny all of the above I didn't know what I wanted from anyone except sex.
I didn't want to end up being used again or being a sugar momma which was what was happening I couldn't see it hence love IS blind. I wasn't wanting any man ever again to misinterpret wanting to spend time with them as an invite for them to move in live off of me use me and mistreat me. I was breathless this was the hug hold and feeling I've searched life over for.
This is what I made myself believe. Now where is that damn glass slipper? The pumpkin carriage was now a dark blue Harley Davidson Sportster which matched Ole' Blue and my house. After I painted it to match the Harley and Ole' Blue. We both knew we wanted to be together longer than a few hours or did he just find someone to use?
We were not thinking of nothing except get rid of Charlotte and the boy quick like now! Before we went to the other room to be bad guys and run them off I made a couple of statements to the affect that I don't know why I run away from every relationship I'm only trying to give away free pussy. I couldn't believe I said that out loud.
So cute Mike said; "Hell yeah I want some free pussy I'm up for free pussy hell yeah!" We both went out spared no feelings running them off. We both knew exactly what we wanted, but needed them out to do it. Here is where that old saying should be inserted; "If I had known what I know now I would not have went down that road."
I had no idea he just fucked four women not a day apart then came to me! I didn't find this out till years into this relationship. Charlotte and her son were begging all the way out the door for just one action figure. Charlotte kept begging telling me he's a burn victim come on Mary have a heart.
I know last Christmas you gave the Mission 10 garbage bags full of new toys and every year before that. I know your giving away 10 bags or so this year too I know you do toy runs you just did one for children who are burn victims. You gave thousands of dollars worth of dolls to little girls and their mothers. I gave her my prize bed doll she was huge gorgeous and expensive.
She said; "You can't let loose of not even one action figure?" I felt bad about it, but fully intended on making it up to him the next day just not at this very moment. Mike and I felt each other's pain loneliness it's our time to be happy far from that later. I imagined it was him and me feeling all this it was only me a game he plays with woman. Worse yet!
I didn't know every skanky crack whore in this town has heard all of this from him many times over crack head hog whores will continue hearing it from him all during our relationship civil union whatever it was. It should be all about us right now. After finally getting rid of them I went into my emails to see if Kevin had written back. Not a word from him.
I wanted desperately to get Mike to hug me again I was excited just to be with him. He was talking up a storm telling me all about his past girlfriends what they had done to him. I was thinking why should any of this concern me? I wanted to keep talking with him keep him here keep and hold of his interest.
I learned later he had sex with most everyone of his ex girlfriends and ex wife the week before and the same day he met me I didn't know till five years down the road I learned he had just fucked all of them just before I met him. He came down to me fucked me after fucking four or five exes who are all whores.
Whores are not the ones selling pussy nor the ones on OBT they are in business it's their survival. Whores are women who fuck and suck other women's men with no conscience. He had all of them wanting him, but they had done so much to him there was so much bad blood between them. After experiencing it all first hand I'm sure it was both ways.
He was abusing and doing shit to them also. Cheating on them all the while yet only told stories of them cheating on him. He certainly wasn't hurting nor wanting for sex or a woman's company. He had and has plenty he wasn't here now with me because of lack of pussy or he needs a woman.
All of them had been drained used by him I was a new one with new money to drain stuff to rob the new scam. I wanted to see what Kevin had to say for my own satisfaction some kind of closure. He did write a very long extremely nice letter.
He said; "He thought I was very sexy good hearted kind of quiet which he liked I was a real sweet heart he wanted to get to know me better spend time with me take the relationship slow I was doing an excellent job on fixing up the house he wanted to help me with everything." I was making the wrong decision again I wanted to be with Mike.
This man was saying everything I wanted and needed to hear, but I've heard a lot of bullshit. Mike wanted to stay with me I wasn't quite sure I wanted to go that far as to lose my freedom privacy money everything that goes with losing it all to man. I needed someone to be with sexually right there on the spot I only have three days to get laid.
After the three days Micky will be back so NOT later NOW while my bully daughter was in jail. She hates anyone who is a threat to her losing her money and caretaker. I wanted to be with Mike he was here right now willing to spend time with me even if it's the wrong decision once again.
Mike was in no hurry for nothing I didn't know he had just gotten out of prison, broke, an alcoholic, a thief and bum, a whore fucker. He didn't own the Harley and needed someone to make payments. I didn't know he hung out with mostly crack heads and that he was a womanizer I didn't recognize it.
He owed child support payments and needed help with paying them and has tons on top of tons of court cost fines writs etc...I didn't just go past that red light I stopped serviced it ignored it went flying on down the wrong road. A real fucked up mess I was getting into for the moment I wanted sex a clean fuck buddy.
I didn't want to take on all his responsibilities now crack head whores were fucking him in Ole' Blue all along. Too much over share way too soon this one gets deep sad and expensive! I didn't respond to Kevin's email. I wanted to see where this would go with Mike we were open with everything.
He was trying to rattle off everything he could get out that went wrong happened with all his past relationships. There are two sides to everything being a woman I can imagine there was more to all this than just his side. Turns out all of what he said was the truth, but he left out what he wanted to leave out.
Charlotte told me nothing about Mike except she thought we would be perfect for each other he was lonesome too all his exes are bad he's been mistreated too he would love on me all the time treat me good and he was a beer baby. I'll tell you what was not told about Mike. A few hours does not make a life time story.
We only knew what we had shared within those few hours about each other I know what I was hoping for. Someone who has a good paying job makes good money or at least makes his own money. Wining and dining that's in the high maintenance category right too much to ask right? If he had his own money would have been nice.
Someone who can help me repair this house without tearing it up worse would be nice. Someone who can pay their own way would be nice and feed themselves would be nice. Buy their own clothing, beer and smokes would be nice too. A Big Mac would be a step up from what I've had which is nothing. No one brings anything to my proverbial plate.
How about brush their teeth and tongue non drinking open minded Christian pot smoker. Someone with no ex-girlfriends or ex-wives lurking no kids no paying child support the nagging ex always interfering. Someone who didn't have parties nor frequents bars don't drink anywhere for any reason.
Someone who does not have a ton of bills child support and habits court cost probation and counseling cost. Someone who can hold their own in a conversation knows how to do his own laundry and dishes. One who will split everything 50-50.
I guess spending thousands of dollars on bonds purges court cost probation fees counseling fees the gas to get to all this teas to cover up pot beer all day every day pot all day every day on him alone was considered 50/50 to him. I gave him all the work money when there was work so he couldn't ever say, "He paid for anything for me."
I never got my half although it was Ole' Blue we tore up used and whores got fucked in it. I guess men these days don't have much going for them. Most I've known are an alcoholic drug addicts abusive nasty stupid no talents or brag on talents they can't do.
They are liars of and course cheat, have no jobs or very low paying jobs, own no clothes, furniture, vehicle, home or even underwear for goodness sake! Oh my gosh speaking of underwear Mike was wearing boxers from jail and prison white and loved them they are cute on him and he loves them ugly things.
His hygiene both body and oral are shot, wreaks of alcohol, never pays for anything. He has child support, old fines, writs and court cost he wants me to pay. Ex-girl friends and ex-wives are always lurking around hounding him because of owing them money or child support or just the challenge of getting them away from another woman just to mistreat them.
I guess my expectations of my perfect Prince Charming has to be lowered quite a bit. When that perfect hug perfect hold happens you just know under no circumstances do you let this one leave your life. I was so wrong on that statement there are circumstances you do let them leave your life! He opened his arms which told me he wasn't exactly pushing me away.
I said; "A woman can't give away free pussy anymore without a bunch of crap happening afterwards." He laughed and said; "OH HELL YEAH. I want some free pussy." I climbed on his lap wrapped my legs around him put my arms around him and said; "This is my test if the hug touch or holding is not what I'm looking for your out the door."
This man took my breath away with the first touch he gently put huge arms and hands totally around me his hands and arms completely covered me. This feeling I could deal with forever till it goes sour anyway. I've always been told huge men have small dicks. Both of us knew exactly what we wanted to fuck the shit out of each other.
Neither of us knew our professions money situations ex problems baggage. For that moment neither of us cared what the other had or didn't have in life not at first anyway. I learned too late he cared deeply about everything I owned. I don't have any baggage to bring into any relationship. Micky is my problem I'm wishing lately to get rid of I could not deal with her.
I kept having fruitless Faith in her. For now she's at the Truancy Shelter safe I don't have to worry. The song "Falling to Pieces" was still blaring we were locked for the night we kicked pushed threw everything off the huge waterbed.
Next day when we took a breath I asked him if he wanted to stay with me not knowing he just got out of prison and a bunch of bad relationships he had no pressing or urgent engagements commitments jobs or interviews to go to so he said; "Yes." Remember that saying I mentioned over and over if I knew then what I know now.
If I had known then he had just fucked these whores before he came to my house I would NOT have gotten involved with him. I only meant stay while Micky was away. He was not specific about when he fucked them. He told me they were all old relationships they are all pissed off they want him back and can't have him.
The truth was they all found out he was fucking all four of them at the same time he ran down here to meet me to get away from all of them. They were all hanging around his mom's house up the road raising hell I thought it was because of everything that happened between them all in the past. You will see and think I should hang him by his dick and balls in the woods.
He wasn't the Romeo he thought he was, he wasn't getting away with everything he thought he was because Jesus and His Dad, "God The Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost" and me, we're writing a book together and telling everything everyone did.
Our first night together the entire night was perfect after a couple of days I was catching on maybe I had a bad catch once again seems more than just a beer baby I should have held to my guns not let him in the house. Perfect man in every way looks six pack brains gorgeous a huge dick sex was awesome. What's the catch going to be when is the bomb going to fall?
We took a break went to the store you guessed it I bought him another quart of beer. Did I mention he freaked me out. The saying, "Big men have small dicks" is definitely wrong not true. He has a huge dick all though his ex-girl friends say, "It's small." What the fuck do they have as a pussy Grand Canyon. He has the equipment let's see if he knows how to use it.
All the whores he's been with I can understand why he feels small to them. They are all skanky drugged out diseased alcoholic crack head heroine addicts and meth head whores. If he goes to jail or prison for a period of time or something happens to him for a period of time we have to keep starting all over money wise and breaking the ice wise.
I've been with a bunch of losers who can't get their dick up. I hated buying beer for someone. I had a rule in my life didn't I? Something concerning NOT buying alcohol or being around it? Wasn't it something to the effect I wish alcohol did not exist!? Ok Charlotte did say, "He was a beer baby."
Maybe he was only partying right now he'll stop later I kept reasoning away a few more quarts a few twelve packs and eighteen packs later. I didn't want to imagine what was going to happen when Micky gets home finds out I've met someone I want to be with, but he's almost went through all our money already.
She may be able to get past this somehow she won't be able to get past him drinking beer in our house spending our money on it. What is the difference when she makes me buy her vodka pot and cigarettes? A few weeks later Micky started asking me to get her alcoholic drinks for her and her friends so they could all party and destroy the house.
Micky was always jealous of anyone coming near me or getting any of my attention or money. It was only a year ago I started cutting the umbilical cord making her sleep in her own bed or couch. Anywhere other than a twelve year old daughter still sleeping with a 50 year old mother. I was prepared for one hell of a fight out of her over this.
My thing is I put too much Faith in people. I was confused after spending such a perfect night with such an adorable perfect man. I didn't want to think about Micky she brought a sour feeling to my stomach. I had lost parental control long ago. Mike and I spent the day together getting to know each other he was so gorgeous.
He was constantly kissing all over me giving me huge hickeys loving every minute of it thinking is this guy for real? No one can keep this romantic shit up for any long period of time. He kept trying to be perfect or was he for real?
Everything I was thinking he would rectify clarify fix it before it boiled over in my mind before I could get it out of my mouth while still just a thought he was catching it. I couldn't read anything bad into this yet. Didn't catch that into himself thing yet.
At some point I totally lost communication and any love or care Micky might have had for me when I explained to her how inappropriate it was to still be sleeping with her she needs to learn to sleep alone. This was a jolt or shock to her I think she resented me doing this to her. It felt like rejection to her or a separation from her mom it was traumatic.
I tried to explain my need for a man in my life adult company adult conversation and sex. It wasn't like this was a strange subject to her. At 10 she started staying gone all the time partying having sex with men at my expense I didn't find out for a few years just how much she has been doing.
Before with her dad Billy we had not had sex for a few years before she was conceived it was never good between us. Only the first few months. He wouldn't sleep with me. He was always out at bars partying with other women and passing out in chairs on the couch or floor. He had no affection for me never hug nor hold me knew nothing about foreplay or a women's body or needs.
After that one time when I conceived Micky we did not ever have sex again except for one brief encounter when I introduced him and Micky again letting them get to know each other again after being separated from him for over 6 years or so which turned out disastrous you know the rest of that story.
Before he died he did finally say; "All these years I never realized you were so HOT!" He spent his last 5 years or so trying to get my love back. I can't go back to something I never had. Micky has never seen me have any physical contact or affection for or towards any human except her.
She has never seen me hold hands with anyone touch anyone kiss anyone it's mostly because I rarely did. I didn't start dating or even thinking about being with a man for a year after Billy died. I divorced him years ago technically I was free for many years before, but was wrapped up in work and taking care of Micky along with everything I was going through.
Has there ever been a time will there ever be a time when I'm not going through tough stuff? I'm thinking now she may be rebelling against me because Mike is very open with his affection she resents this. She resents someone taking her spot in her mom's bed life money and affection.
I think her way of getting my attention is to do the worst things in life I consider self destruction or suicidal by smoking cigarettes, pot and drinking vodka she's destroying herself and someone which she thinks once upon a time cherished her now no longer cares. Christmas was coming up I wanted to take 6 bags of new toys to the Mission.
This would be the first Christmas or any holiday I have spent with someone. I usually always end up alone. Micky usually talks me out of all her presents days ahead of time so she can go wherever she wants afterwards. Way back in my memories I don't remember any Christmas' not good ones.
I do remember sitting alone in my special place on my mountain all alone which were the best days. I remember being on a street corner in the snow when an officer was wishing Jeanie and her sisters a Merry Christmas, but not me. The officer knew me as well as them.
I remember many cold, snowy, Christmas nights or holidays even all my birthdays I was either hitch-hiking or at a party just for a place to sleep or in abandoned buildings, alleys, under picnic tables or curled up in front of the perch (*the court house).
I remember sitting at a table with Tommy where I was hated by my in laws, looking on at a feast I didn't want and wasn't welcome to be at and ending up poisoned every time I ate there I was sick almost paralyzed and throwing up for days.
I remember Billy's girlie friends going to my in laws with my husband Billy and celebrating holidays by buying each other and family something while I'm playing Otis Redding's "Sittin on the Dock of the Bay" at the Manatee river which is always gorgeous any time of year. I would rather be there than with him.
I remember children was once a big part of my holidays this was another life or did I dream there are or were once four other children in my life? I remember centering my life around a fifth child. Making every holiday so filled with fun and presents only for her to always rush through the dinner and present part so she could escape as soon as possible.