A few moments (among thousands, possibly millions) when music got consent wrong:
1. “Shut up and sleep with me / Come on why won’t you sleep with me?” -Sin with Sebastian
This song is really pushing it. First, he takes away his partner’s right to speak, as if that’s a romantic gesture, which it’s not (no matter how many times you’ve seen this depicted in movies). Second, he continues to insist on his pursuit by demanding an explanation as to why his partner does not want to have sex. No one ever owes an explanation about why they don’t want to. It’s every person’s right to say “no”.
PRO TIP: It’s always best to accept rejection gracefully. If your partner is not interested in having sex, suggest a non-sexual activity or ask them what they wish to do instead. When you allow your partner room and space to say “no” without pressuring them, this builds trust, which for many, is a huge turn on. Be patient.
Good things are always worth the wait.
2. “I know you want it” -Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke
Even though it’s 2018, people still think it’s hot to assume someone wants to have sex with them. Well, here’s a wake-up call: that has never been hot! It’s impossible to know if someone wants it unless they say they want it.
PRO TIP: Instead of assuming that someone wants to have sex, just ask them. If you’re single and dating, you can slip in consent with a new partner by being upfront about your intentions while also mentioning that verbalizing consent is very important to you. What does consent look like for you? Do you prefer to be verbally asked each time? Do you like an occasional surprise? Even if this is the case, consent doesn’t stop there. Consent must always be ongoing, meaning that a partner can change their mind at any time.
3. “Please excuse me, I don't mean to be rude,
But, tonight, I'm fucking you.” -Tonight (I’m Fucking You) by Enrique Iglesias
On this one, I would say it depends on the context. If it’s your partner or friend-withbenefits, this would definitely be a hot sext to send. However, if this is said to a stranger, that’s when this crosses the line. Even if it’s someone you know, this type of declaration about your intentions is not the best way to communicate because asking for consent should be a conversation. As long as there is consent, it’s a-okay.
PRO TIP: There’s a fine line between sexual prowess and sexual harassment. Don’t cross it. Use good judgement and have high regard for others when communicating to obtain the best results possible out of every relationship.
4. "I don’t want your ho, just want that cookie from her / She tried to resist, so I took it from her / How are you gonna tell me no? You must not know who I am." -I made it by Rich Homie Quan
It doesn’t matter who you are, how much money you have, or what you do-- you are never entitled to ANYONE sexually. When Donald Trump made his famous “grab them by the pussy” statement, he stated that because he is rich, he can do whatever he wanted to women. A lot of men with money assume they can get away with rape and murder, and unfortunately, they sometimes do.
Having money does not give you a right to violate someone’s consent, no matter how “badass” you think you are. What makes someone attractive is not their money, but, how much love and kindness they bring to the world.
PRO TIP: I mean, it’s common sense: don’t rape and don’t brag about it. Boasting about rape is despicable. Rich Homie Quan and everyone who worked to help produce this song should be ashamed of themselves!
5. "I like you just the way you are/Drunk as sh*t dancing at the bar/I like it and I can't wait to get you home/So I can do some damage." -Just the Way You Are (Drunk at
The Bar) — Brian McFadden
Targeting drunk girls at the bar is not only creepy, it’s downright predatory because alcohol takes away someone’s ability to truly consent.
PRO TIP: Instead of accidentally hurting yourself or someone else, refrain from mixing sex and alcohol. The fact of the matter is, they don’t mix. If you want to have a drink with a love interest, keep it minimal and wait until you’ve sobered up before getting frisky.
A lot of people claim that they “need” alcohol in order to get it on. People who feel this way need to realize that using alcohol to feel comfortable having sex is a toxic
coping mechanism. Instead of numbing the pain, address it. What feelings/memories are you trying to suppress with booze?
“You gotta feel it to heal it,” as they say!
6. “Girls: Tell me more, tell me more, was it love at first sight?
Guys: Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?” -Summer Nights by Olivia
Newton John & John Travolta
This line comes from the famous American musical, Grease. I’m curious as to why the writer of this line thought it was okay to casually ask if the main male character raped the main female character, as if it was a juicy piece of gossip. Not only is it disturbing that this question was even asked, but, it’s almost as If the guys asking are hoping for a “yes”.
I also want to use this as an opportunity to say that rape and sex are two different things. In fact, they are polar opposites.
In order to establish a culture of consent, we must stop blurring the lines of rape and sex. They are two different worlds of their own. Sex means that consent was given. Sexual assault means that it was not.
People need to call it what it is. Sex is sex. Rape is rape.
PRO TIP: Whether this line was intended as a joke or not, it’s not funny. Rape is not a “hot topic” to discuss. If you seriously believe that someone you know is a sexual predator, encourage them to get help. Never make jokes about rape. Rape jokes will never be funny.
Photo by Justin Munoz, 2015, New York City, NY
“I have survived the worst of the worst, but, now, I’m here to inspire! You can heal! You can overcome! You can thrive!”
– Originally published on Instagram May 20, 2015